Cito Says...: October 2015

Think you've heard enough of present day Byran well take a look at past Byran.

I would just like to direct your attention top this poem I wrote a couple of years ago while sitting in the New Jersey wilderness. I intended to share it but never did, so hear it is in all it's glory.
Ode to the Mother

The world around us is a beautiful place
Forever changing, fascinating
But why oh, why is nature our mother
Are we the sons and daughters of her labour, her creation?
What if nature were a man?
And named him father nature
Would we be altered, changed different?
This world is changing and we are no longer the sons and daughters of nature.
Nature has become ours to grow, to nurture, to destroy
When you look at a tree
What do you see?
The beauty? The wonder? The magnificence?
No, we see the materialism the consumption, the greed.
Mother Nature has been transformed
We look after our mother especially in her old age
Well Mother Nature is millions of years, so why don’t we care for her?
Why must she crumble and fall?
All this time she’s provided us with air to breathe and food to eat
Why must we slay her?
Shame on us
But still Mother Nature fights back
With the help of the few, aid her, support her, comfort her
Those of us wise enough to understand what a great Mother Nature is
Now look at a tree.
What do you see?
The beauty, the wonder, the magnificence
The infinite wisdom Mother Nature carries
As I look around in awe of this evergreen wilderness I speak to Mother Nature herself
Dearest Mother, I am sorry about the hurt and pain you suffered.
The sorrow, the agony
But now we are here to make it right
To come correct
For we are wise clever and intelligent
We will savour the water you provide for us
We will not slay the trees that provide the substance of life
We will not expel the gases that break your soft skin
This our promise.
A promise that may spill
But a contract, an ode
An ode to you dearest Mother
Don’t give up on us just yet
For we are still your children
Children make mistakes
We do all that it takes
We are in the wrong
You gave us mouths to speak
Eyes to see
Ears to hear
Noses to smell
Fingers to touch
But what are we supposed to speak
And see
And hear
And smell
And touch
I don’t know, do you Mother?
This is our free will
You gave this to us as a gift
Something to cherish
Speak words of wisdom, words of love
Maybe a moral or message
See the wonders of this world
The magnificence it has to offer.
Hear everything around you
From the small buzzing fly to the bellow of a thunderstorm
Smell the dust that gathers on our guns, our axes, our swords
Touch the ones closest to you
Hold them tight and don’t let them fall
This is what I believe our mother intended for us
Make her proud.

So it seems I spend most of my time bitching about something... so why stop.

So we've all been in one of those situations when we're required to make new friends. Whether you've moved school, starting uni or starting a new job, making friends is vital. But how easy is the process? And let me tell you the majority of people out there don't want to be your friend they just want to ruin your life.

If you've been following this blog since the early days you'll know I had a very... hard experience with a friend which is why my outlook on the matter has changed. If you think you have a lot of friends... you most likely don't. There are only a few people out there that truly have your back and if that means I only have 2 friends then I'm cool with that. So when you're put into that new situation of having to make friends you're most likely at a point where there are a number of people in the same boat as you. And you're thinking great that means it will be much easier to make friends. WRONG. All this means is that people become friend hoes which I like to call froes. They will literally speak to every single person they meet thinking they're making friends when all they're doing is making small talk and chances are they will never see that person again. Trust me if you meet a froe, the next day they'll pass you in the hallway as if you're hiding under one of the deathly hallows.

So with me if I meet you for the first time I'm not going to lie I judge you pretty freakin' quickly. From the first few seconds I can tell if this relationship is going nowhere or if I just have no intention of getting to know you. I'm sure a lot of people get the same feeling. You know you don;'t like this person you're talking to but because "you have to make friends" and "everyones in the same boat" you feel like you have to stay there making small talk. Why? "To be nice". screw that. Don't waste your time, move on. One of my biggest pet peeves are people who feel like they have to be friends with everyone. There's being friendly then there's being a froe. Like, no. Mate I've just met you why are you putting your arm round me. These are people who get to the insult stage within 5 minutes. You know you can insult your best friends but its cool because they're your best friend so they don't really care. Froe's will insult you so fast thinking they're at that stage already. No, you just insulted me.

So you've found someone who you think you've got a connection with and want to get to know further. So when you get home you add him/her on Facebook. That's cool and well and truly acceptable, Facebook friends don't mean anything these days. Then you're there deciding whether to message them or not. And this is the point when nothing can lead to something. To be honest the sooner you message them the better because the chances are you can carry on the convo you were already having in person. If you leave it too long then its just a bit random. BUT BEWARE. Did you know that there are people out there who will simply ignore your messages and even worse start to talk to then just stop replying for no apparent reason. But that's kool you're too good for her/him anyway. Identifying a time waster means there's one less time waster out there to waste your time. HOWEVER if the convo goes well and you can tell this person genuinely wants to talk to you then you have a potential friend. I believe a friendship is able to flourish much better online because you have constant contact with that person. It also proves if someone actually wants to speak to you and not only because they're in the same room as you.

So that's new friends covered, but let's talk about old friends. So there are two types of old friends. The first are the friends that you still speak to on a regular basis and the second are the friends you don't speak to as much but you both know that you're still friends. Now in an earlier post I said I didn't understand how people can be friends but not speak regularly but I think that was just me saying that I love to talk to people. I have a couple of friends who I don't speak to regularly but I know if I ever needed them they'd be there and vice versa. Only because you're friends with someone doesn't mean you have to speak to them every day, you'll eventually run out of things to talk about. You should talk because you want to not because you feel like you have to, never force it. In fact this isn't even what I wanted to talk about.

I want to talk about deluded friends who I like to call IDIOTS. These are people who claim you're best friends but never ever start convo and when you do they'll say something like "We should meet up" or "I miss you". Seriously I should conduct some research into this. What goes through these people's heads. To be fair I have actually tested this. Not spoken to someone for ages then I finally messaged them and they said exactly those two quotes. That's when I knew I was done. Like that's not friendship. What is that? Do they do that with all their friends which means they don't speak to anyone. What I think the case is, is that at one point in this person's life you did it for them but then they just kind of got bored of you so slowly tried to oust you out the door. and seriously you should let them, in fact proudly march out that door and burn the house down. You don't need people like that in your life. Often their excuse will be "well you didn't speak to me either". But you know when you just know when someone won't message you unless you message them first. Who are they kidding man?

On a serious note, know who your friends are. If I take the time to speak to anyone regularly I'm not there to humour you it's because I genuinely want to speak to you and be your friend. I won't just drop anyone for no reason. Stay true to others and to yourself. Not many people out there are going to stick around so find the ones that will. There will be times when you both think the other doesn't care or you don't want to message them because you feel like you're annoying them. Just go for it, I've lost too many friends because of this and I'm sure you have too. You know them ones when you just "drift apart". NONSENSE. You were both just too pussy to say something to the other.

Friends are important, take care of them.

N.B If someone starts a conversation with "hi", they're SO not your friend yet.

Do you ever get into one of those moods where everything just annoys you... that's me right now hence the post.

Things we ALL hate.

1. When you waste your hard earned time holding a door open for someone and they don't even say 2 simple words.

2. When you ask someone how they are and they give you their life story. "Fine" will do. Whether you're fine or not.

3. When you're banging FIFA and bae keeps calling you then you remember you don't have a bae and its a fat guy calling about PPI

4. When you want to Netflix and chill and you ACTUALLY Netflix and chill...

5. When you purposefully wait a while to message people back because you don;t want to seem like an eager beaver.

6. When bae is a solid 8/10 at 10pm then an embarrassing 2/10 at 3am.

7. When people dress up as cats for Halloween

8. Cats in general.

9. When it says 49p on the can but Bossman tries charging you 70p.

10. When you don't hear someone so have to think of a generic response hoping its a suitable reply.

11. When you're making your mind up as to whether its worth running for the bus and by the time you decide to attempt to catch it the driver is out the window waving bye at you.

12. When someone inferior to you, and knows this fact, tries to educate you about life.

13. When websites try and dictate your life and tell you to turn off your adblock software

14. When Internet Explorer still thinks it's your default browser.

15. When that spice doesn't acknowledge how sexy you're looking.

16. When people drink milk straight from the carton.

17. When Netflix has the audacity to ask you if you're still watching... "shut up and do your job."

18. When a sideman suddenly thinks he's someone and you have to kick him back to the edge.

19. When someone doesn't notice the incredibly witty shade you're throwing at them.

20. When your ticket doesn't win the lottery.

21. When you look back on life and realise your life's almost over.

22. When people try to treat you like an adult as if you don't still live with your parents.

23. When you fill out an online form and have to scroll back bares to find your date of birth.

24. When you're too busy trying to make eye contact with someone that you don't even listen to what they're saying.

25. When you see how much CBBC and Disney Channel have gone downhill.

26. When someone doesn't realise how lucky they are to be in your presence.

27. When bae keeps calling you "friend".

28. When you clap and your lights don't turn off.

29. When you're Harvard referencing and you don't even go to Harvard.

30. When you run out of deodorant and use aftershave as an alternative and your armpits feel like they're falling off.

31. When alcohol makes you drunk.

32. When the cheeky self service machine gives you foreign currency.
b) When that same cheeky self service machine snakes you and lets everyone know that you have an unexpected item in the bagging area.

33. When the Pokemon champion acts like you haven't beaten him 5 times already.

34. When your bank statement lies about the amount of money in your bank account.

Disclaimer: The title of this post is not literal

"What a morbid title. Why would I want to kill a baby?" Well a part of you must want to if you're reading this, you awful human being. ANYWAY, might not seem like it now but I actually want to talk about something that I have a massive opinion and more relevant than the normal crap I post, and that's children's TV and movies.

So when we were younger we all had a favourite TV show and film whether it was Power Rangers or Roly Poly Olie (if that's how you spell it) children's media played a big part in our lives. We didn't want to read or write we just wanted to see if Tinky Winky was going to tell his fellow teletubbies that his handbag was part of a bigger conspiracy. You know what I'm talking about it. So the subject I want to talk about is the spectrum of how much kids should be protected from sensitive subjects in children's TV. Now obviously coming from a Film and TV background I'm biased so in my opinion I believe that children's media has massive role to play in a child's development. When you're a child your brain is like a sponge and you're just picking up all these new things without even knowing it which is why most of children's TV has a very clear positive message. Which is great, if TV and film should do anything its to promote a positive attitude towards life especially in children's TV.

But does this mean that children's TV shouldn't include subjects such as death. We're now in a golden age of television where the shows that are being broadcast are becoming much more experimental with the topics portrayed and children, I believe, are becoming much more active in the way they watch TV. This gives producers an opportunity to raise their game and make something that resonates with the children. I mean yeah watching Peppa Pig play with his friends is all good but I'll probably forget that next week. Now let me make this clear when I say children's TV I'm not talking about pre-schoolers but around the age of 7+ when kids are much more aware of the world around them. Too many times children's TV and films are too scared to say the word "dead" and will use some alternative like "gone". But why? I mean death is a part of life. Some time in that child's life they will most likely have to experience a death of someone close to them. What better way to help educate them of death and its implications than through television? Now I'm not saying this means we should kill people off all over the gaff but if it's right for the story that this particular character should die then they should die. Kids learn a lot from TV and often take it for real life. If a child sees a character dealing with a death in a certain way then uses this same technique to deal with a death in real life is this not a good thing. Let's start giving kids more credit and stop molly-coddling them.

Some of the best children's movies have a death in them. Finding Nemo, Lion King, Big Hero 6, Up, which might I add also portrayed a miscarriage. Also the death in all these film were integral to the story and they wouldn't be the same without them. In my opinion the death is what makes these films. No, I'm not the Grim Reaper and death is not a fetish but death can happen to anyone at any time and I just feel like this should be accurately portrayed. This is why I love Game of Thrones so much. Films are supposed to take you on an emotional journey. Up for example is one of the most uplifting (pardon the pun) films I've ever seen and it includes a death. Death doesn't necessarily mean bad. What I love about the portrayal of death in TV and cinema is the way the characters deal with it and this is where the lessons come from and how children can be educated. None of these children's movies showed a brutal death a la Prince Oberynn (if you haven't seen that scene, don't watch it). Every death is a device spurring the protagonist to go on the journey they need to go on. Now I'm fortunate enough that I have not had to say goodbye to someone I've been close with. But if I had, especially when I was younger, I am almost certain that these films would've been a great help. You hear of people saying they listen to music when they feel down or need cheering up. Well film and TV are the same.

Moving away from death but I was pleasantly surprised to realise that in the CBBC television show The Dumping Ground they portrayed a same sex couple looking to foster a child. I don't believe this would have been a thing a decade ago. It's great that we're exposing children to what the world is really like but still keeping that positive outlook. Hopefully seeing that on television will desensitise the child and they will accept the fact that that is just what the world is. Not to mention the programmes casting of disabled actors and actresses. Not once is it overtly mentioned that these children have disabilities they are just who they are and there are people with the same disabilities in the world.

Now if you're a parent and you don't want your children exposed to sensitive subjects like that then that's totally fine as well. I just feel like that if they are to learn about a sensitive social, cultural or personal issue then TV and Film is a great way to do it. It not only serves the purpose to educate young viewers but also can build the foundations for great storytelling.

If you're thinking of working behind a bar... don't. Unless you're prepared to have these thoughts running through your mind.

Don't get me wrong I love working behind a bar but you just get a few people that make you question humanity.

These are all real thoughts that have gone through my mind on the job.

1. Why are you only getting your money out now? You had all this time while I was making the drinks to get your money out but you're only doing it now?... and you're paying with a note anyway!

2. Stop leaning over the bar. I will get to you when I am good and ready not because you're clicking you fingers in my face.

3. GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OUT OF MY FACE. Actually no get every part of your body out of my face.

4. You just spat on me.

5. No, I do not know what our strongest shot is.

6. I am clearly not serving, why am I going to make an exception for you.

7. What part of"the bar is closed" do you not understand? No I can not do you a "favour" and pour you a drink.

8. Yes we do serve Vodka Lemonade.

9. Why don't YOU work out how many jagerbombs £10 will get you?

10. I am not a claw machine pick out your own money from your own wallet.

11. My hand is right here so why have you thrown the money on the bar.

12. WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ME SO MUCH CHANGE! YOU KNOW FULL WELL YOU'VE GIVEN ME TOO MUCH.

13. Yes I know these drinks were cheaper yesterday, stop living in the past.

14. No it's not my fault that we've run out of straws.

15. Can you see that we've taken all the drinks down, yes we are closed.

16. You only get discount if you show me your student card... "You didn't ask for it"... why would I promote the cheaper option. If you want discount you've got to go out and get it.

17. If we had ice, I would've given you ice.

18. I know where your eyes are but you're wearing half a top.

19. Please take your hand off my neck I am as close to you as I ever will and want to be.

20. No, drinks are not free for you tonight.

Felt the need to write something, so here we are.

Let's bring it back a bit. My last post was a bit crazy so this ones going to be a bit more... boring. Well not boring, but you know what I mean. Hopefully it does something for you. So as you know the world is plagued with expectations and stereotypes. And I've come to learn that I break a lot of peoples expectations of me as I'm sure you do too. If this is the case can we really expect anything from anyone anymore. So being at uni you're expected to drink and "go out" and do all that fun stuff. So obviously people expect this of me. And it's not their fault that;'s just the perception people have of university students and is now part of the reason why people want to go to university. Heck I expect the same thing of everyone I meet. Now if I had greasy hair wore clunky shoes and slacks everywhere maybe people wouldn't be so surprised when I tell them I'm not about that life. Now for those of you that know me I'm a normal looking guy right... well mostly normal. who am I to disrupt the status quo I'm just an "ordinary" 21 year old. But am I? I don't drink, I don't even swear. Who the hell am I man? Why have I not grown accustomed to the typical adolescent way of life. I'd much rather stay at home and watch Netflix or play Mario Kart. Does that make me boring? Because apparently it does. Like when you think of someone that stays at home at plays video games a certain image comes up in your mind right and I doubt that's me. That's me the undercover Geek. I'm in my fourth year at Uni now and I still haven't got drunk. Don't write me off as a bore just because I'm not into the things you are and refraining from living a life I don't want to live. People don't party 24/7... well some might. It just means there's a lot more to me than you know. Let's be honest people who operate outside those social norms are the most interesting right? Okay, so I'm probably biased.

Now I'm not saying that everyone makes these assumptions. A lot of people I'm friends with do like going out and drinking but just accept the fact that I am the way I am. You know how your parents say you should never change for anyone, it's true and it's become more apparent to me by being at uni. You do you and I'll do me, who are we to judge others for the way they want to live their lives? I will happily go out with a group of people who plan on drinking just as long as they respect the fact that I don't want to. Is all this making sense? I hope so...

I won't lie though there have been times when I wish I did drink purely because of the social aspect. I've missed out on a bunch of socials and events due to the fact that I didn't want to be under pressure to drink and being the only sober person. Also I do quite want to know what it's like to be drunk and I'd like to see what kind of drunk I am. Who knows that day might come... but I can't see it happening any time soon.

Being part of a time where alcohol is a big part of people's lives is hard one to live in but just dealing with those struggles I guess makes me a stronger person, as corny as it sounds. People just shouldn't write off people who abstain from alcohol because these people are the strongest people of all.

Drink responsibly...

Have you used Aloe Vera toilet paper before... my word!

So a lot of you are probably thinking, why is this guy talking about love how cringey of him and the rest of you are think why the f*ck did he start the post talking about aloe vera toilet paper. Well my friends I plan on answering both of them... well I'm going to try whether I do remains to be seen.

So quantifiable love, is "quantifiable" even a word? I'm, pretty sure it is. Yes it is. Anyway yeah so this is basically "love" that is measured. So when someone says I love you "this" much they've just quantified their love for you. Even if they say I love you "millions" still quantified. Now the question I ask is "Is quantifiable love, love at all". is it possible to love something a little bit? I mean there are different types of "love" out there but if you're able to say how much you love something do you even love it? A bunch of you guys are probably saying yes and I'd agree, to a certain extent. It's just that love is an abstract concept for someone to get their head around. There are a number of different definitions and the word means something different to everyone on the planet. So how can we quantify something that we barely understand. Is not just telling someone you love them enough? I mean you know what it means, they know what it means no need to further complicate things. You may think I'm reading to far into this and if someone wants to say they love someone to "the moon and back" then there's nothing wrong with that. Well obviously not but actually if you're saying that to someone you actually love them way more than you are saying. You think that the measurement expresses how much you love them when in fact all it does is limit it.

Actually, you know what typing this out just makes me question where my head is at. All I'm trying to say is that love is love let's just let it be, right? Just like my love for Aloe Vera toilet paper. Now I don't know if I came late to the party but that stuff is pretty fantastic. So there I was in Lidl wanting to be a bit more adventurous with what I wipe my arse with. Initially I was going to go for the generic sandpaper that they sell you for 50p but I thought you know what I'm better than that and my arse deserves way better. So then I saw the aloe paper. It was cheap, but not too cheap, so I thought okay let me try that. so there's me rushing home anxious to test out my new purchase and when I open the plastic the most beautiful smell caresses my nostrils. I swear the smell of that paper just fills the room. Now I was well aware that I didn't buy it for the smell but just imagine how beautiful my bum is going to smell. I might just wipe my whole body with the stuff. I'm joking. So if you take away anything from this post take away this "Love your hoe with some aloe".*

*In this context "hoe" means "bum" I just couldn't think of a word that rhymes with aloe and had anything to do with the derriére. The word "hoe" does not actually mean "bum".

Who am I?

Social Share Icons

Popular Posts

Blog Archive

Contact Me

Search This Blog

Newsletter

Subscribe Our Newsletter