To be totally honest with you, the title of this post came before the content which is slightly unusual but putting people and "things" in such high regard has always interested me. What makes something so perfect and beautiful and how do we pursue it?
It's a fact of life that as humans we're always trying to better ourselves. If we do something once, the next time we do it we slightly alter it in order to make it more successful next time but always knowing it will never be perfect. Yet we still strive to achieve... what exactly? I guess just to do it the best we possibly can but even after that "we can always do better" and this process is kind of scary when you think about it.
The majority of us are never going to achieve our wildest dreams. But I've learnt it's not really about achieving those dreams or reaching unrealistic heights. It's all about that journey. There's only one Cristiano Ronaldo in the world but that's not to say lesser players can't be proud of what they've achieved. I'm sure they still went through struggle and pure determination to get where they are. And when we become focused on that end goal rather than the steps needed to get there we can find ourselves in a spot bother.
This is why we cheat and look for shortcuts. Although there are numerous instances where this may be possible the majority of the time we have to go the long way round. Life is hard, making something of yourself is intrinsic and can never be solely down to external forces. Unless you go out of your way to try and get the things you want they most likely won't come. Now not to preach to you, I'm sure you've been told a similar message all your life but it never quite hits until you're in a position where you have a goal that you desperately want.
And what makes these goals so desirable. What makes that the best job for you? What makes Madelaine Petsch the most beautiful girl in the world. It's all in your brain. It's just an ideal that doesn't really exist. Sure we can have tangible goals and desires but the thought of it always means so much more than actually having it. You may find yourself in an unexpected position that is actually so much better than what you thought you wanted. However it is important to hold those ideals as they are what drive us but they're not the be all and end all. I am not not going to look at any other girl because Madelaine is the beautiful-est. Although I might... but keep an open mind. Journeys are unexpected and sometimes they might take a slight detour or take you to a completely new destination.
We're all pretty much in the same boat and if you're in a position to help someone get where they need to be then go ahead and do that. Life is no competition. We're all on our own separate journeys and we should all just want the best for one another.
We hear it all the time... "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt your feelings" whether your parents telling you you're adopted or that the new iPhone doesn't have a screen. This is our main rationale for why we don't tell people the truth. But there is a huge debate whether this type of lying is actually necessary in certain circumstances.
Now none of us enjoy being lied to but also it's important to remember that most of the time we don't know we're being lied to which is a crazy concept in itself. The quote "you can't handle the truth" makes more and more sense to me these days. If we had a radar that detected lies it honestly wouldn't stop going off.
But it does take two to lie, someone to tell the lie then someone to believe it. And I think it's human nature for us to believe people in whatever they say and also to lie ourselves. And most of the time there's no reason for why we should believe a complete stranger or why we tell the self service machine we have 1 plastic bag when in actual fact we have 7. From my perspective I do believe that lying is one of the many necessities of life. Imagine how dreadful your childhood would've been if someone told you tamagotchis weren't cool or girls don't have cooties.
Now I'm by no means saying that we should all go round and lie like dogs (what a world that would be) but if someone does lie there's usually an underlying reason and if it proves to be a selfless one does this then outweigh the lie itself. I honestly believe in a number of circumstances it does but if studying television has taught me anything its that lies always come out. So are you willing to jeopardise this person's trust in you to keep whatever it is a secret? If you're going to lie, make sure it's for the right reasons yeah?
Funny story I actually stared this post months ago but didn't finish it for no reason or another. Because of this I can't actually remember why I wrote it. In case you didn't know, every post I write has some sort of connection to my personal life. So this can only mean I lied to someone... sorry.
I put this on my snapchat last night and this is what I learned...
The friend business can be a complicated one... because that's what it is a business. You invest in something and it either turns out to be a success or a bit of a flop. Now not to dehumanise anyone but when it comes down to it if we feel as though the rewards don't match the investment then its time to cut your losses and get out. Now I know there's much more to friendships than this. We're dealing with real people with emotions and feelings and life can throw a lot of complications at you.
But something I often think about is how someone becomes your friend. What needs to happen for you to consider someone a friend. And the criteria is different for everyone. On one hand you have people who consider people they've spoken to and don't hate as a friend and on the other people who feel like you need to donate your liver to be an amigo. Now believe it or not I lie somewhere in between this but I'll come to that later. Back to the snapchat. What I was really getting at was how many people in your life time, so from the day you were born until now, have you considered your best friend. Because best friends change, I know that better than anyone. There are times when you think this is it, me and this person are going to be friends for life and then you find yourself complete strangers a year later.
However the answers I got were how many "best friends" people had at this moment in time. So there were a lot of 2s, 3s... a 9 and even a 20 which again shows the difference in interpretation of the term best friend. If I had to answer, I'd probably say 3. And when asked why these people are considered "best friends" the answers were all similar. You know people you trust, people you go to if you have a problem which all makes sense but as I said before these people seem to change especially earlier in your life. I think when you reach your 20s you start to get a better idea of the people that are there to stay. And not to illegitimate anyone's friends but a lot of people you call your "best friend" may not be there for the long run. Which is actually hard to take. There are so many people I have been good friends with who I still wish I was friends with. My main issue with people comes from reciprocity. I'm putting a lot into this friendship so I expect the same but some people just aren't willing. If I start any sort of friendship with anyone, it's never temporary I am always willing to put everything I can into it. If it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't but how you going to know if you at least don't try?
Anyway where am I going with this.. yeah so when you come tho think of it. If there are 3 people on this entire earth than you feel like you can trust and are your best friend that is not a lot of people at all. So what happens when you lose one? Which is why I cherish any friendship I have or have ever had. Now I'm not perfect either I know there may have been times where I haven't done my best at keeping in touch or maintaining a friendship but I am well aware of this. Friends are what keep us sane and keep us going and it's important to not take them for granted. Now back to what makes me consider someone a friend. i think the main thing is just making an effort and having genuinely interesting conversations about literally anything. If you care about my life and I find myself genuinely caring about yours then you're a friend. To get into best friend territory, I don't know it's hard to say. I don't quite know what makes these people my best friends but I know who they are... which I guess is kind of nice in a way. The fact that I just know. I can also measure it by the people who I will tell first when I get a girlfriend. I know shock right, I'm single.
I am always up for meeting new people and making new friends. Mainly because I want people to physically hang out with but also cos I love the art of conversation. If it was socially acceptable to message random people to start a friendship I honestly probably would. Actually now that I've said all this... maybe I'm just lonely.
Before we start, let me just say I've had quite the day which involved me walking the streets with no shoes. Forgive me if this post is a bit unfocused, it was quite the ordeal.
Anyway, back to business. I recently read an article about a young woman who was subject to this ridiculous, sexist and dehumanising joke called "pulling a pig". Basically the nature of such a joke is a bunch of lads will have a competition to see who can "pull" the most unattractive girl. And that's pretty much it. I mean there are a lot of things wrong and unethical about this but when you dig a little deeper you find that it's more than just the obvious.
So the story is a 24 year old girl met a dutch guy while holidaying in Barcelona. They have a nice little holiday romance but continue to speak even when they are back in their respective countries. The need to see each other grows too strong and the young girl flies to Amsterdam to meet her new beau only to find that he doesn't show and the only contact is a snapchat message that reads "sorry you've been pigged, it was all a joke". I honestly don't get how this absolute wasteman could bring himself to press the send button on that message. Of course this is upsetting for the recipient to read but what does it say about the sender. To have no regard for the feelings of the person you're sending it to and to compose the message in the first place is slightly worrying and no doubt numerous other boys would have no problem acting in a similar way.
Oh wait let me just clarify that our lovely dutch friend has denied keeping in contact and denied sending that message even though there is a pretty clear screenshot. Which leads me on to another point. Part of "lad" culture, which this game is certainly a part of, is proving you're an alpha male. Bet you had a good old laugh with your friends while the prank was happening but now you've been caught you don't want to be the big man and take ownership. Do me a favour, you're so small, so insignificant. You wasted all your time pulling this cruel joke and what do you have to show for it? What was the actual point? Why not put all that time and energy into a girl you actually like. The best thing you can do with your life is to make someone else's that little bit easier. There are so many ways you can lift someone up, but you choose to bring them down instead. This shows you have the potential to be a decent human being. She definitely liked you for one reason or another, just be that genuine person for someone who needs and deserves it.
This is why female body image, actually just body image, is a huge issue in the first place. I thin we all feel a little bit insecure in our bodies as it is and we don't need the fear of thinking that we'd be victim to this sick joke. No one needs that. Especially when we are put in the environment when we think we are looking our best. This game, I assume, happens at a bar or club and this is when we all doll ourselves up and want to be looking our damn finest. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If this has happened to you, then I can only apologise that you had to go through all that. Because it's more than just a game. It's a destruction of confidence and days of negative self image. But I guess these are what games can do to you... I've played FIFA.
There's more I want to say on this subject but there's so much going through my mind I'm finding it a bit hard to streamline it all. It does make me think about my own interactions with, not just females, but people in general. My biggest fear is offending people and when I feel like I have I honestly just don't know how to cope. I was a boy and fell victim to what was considered "normal" boy talk. Or I just thought I was being cool. But it's neither of those things, my morals and beliefs don't fall in line with the kind of trash I was spouting and this is something to remember with all of us. Whether you're speaking publicly or privately, keep your talk respectful of the other human beings that inhabit this godforsaken rock.
Everyone says it, but it's true, we are all beautiful. The opinions of a few sad, boring neanderthals is nothing compared to everything that you are.
Watch the interview below about the story:
