It's that time of the month again. No... not THAT time. Story time!

I swear for as long as I live in Bournemouth I'm not going to stop talking about tramps. As if my sympathy for them wasn't low enough already this just takes it down to a 0.

So to give you some back story, in Bournemouth there's an underpass where a lot of the local homeless people like to hang out. They're actually quite friendly and walking down there is no problem at all. Just as well have to go under there quite a lot mainly to get to ASDA or the train/coach station.

ANYWHOOOOO... I had just packed my bags and was ready to head to the coach station as I was heading back home to London for the weekend. I was comfortably walking down the street without a care in the world as I approached the underpass. So as I was walking I saw a tramp. I only saw his head because my view was obscured by some bushes but you can just tell he was financially unstable. So I carry on walking and my view became less and less impeded and the lower half of his body was visible. As I was still pretty far I had no idea what I was looking at... but then he squat-ted. And I was thinking "Oh I didn't know tramps were into Zumba, good on him". But oh no, he wasn't into zumba at all. Turns out his trousers were halfway down his legs and he was having a nice... poo. If that wasn't bad enough his bum crack was as red as the devil himself. Why was his bum crack so red. So as you can imagine, I paused in my tracks trying to fathom what it is my eyes are witnessing. And then the icing on the cake. He produces toilet roll and wipes his arse. He had obviously planned this. There's an ASDA right there man. Just, why?

Not wanting to go anywhere near this human being I chose to dodge the traffic on the main road and hopefully forget the last minute of life. I then prayed to comfort myself and proceeded to the coach station safe in the knowledge I would never have to experience that again, RIGHT, RIGHT... WRONG!

Just got back from London, it's like 12am, I'm tired and just want to sleep. I think this is the time to mention that this over pass has 4 entrances, so obviously I'm at a different entrance than I was before, AND THE SAME GUY WITH HIS RED ARSE CRACK IS IN THE SAME POSITION DOING THE SAME THING. Is this guy following me? Am I being pranked. This time I didn't wait for the toilet roll to come out and just took the high road. And since then I have never taken that underpass.

Moral of this story is... if you decide to have a poo in public, don't.

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So I'm a huge football fan, well I say huge... only when my team is winning. And for all you other football fans out there you know that punditry is very much a big part of a football match these days. With the premier league nearing it's end I thought it was only fitting to rank the UK's pundits. So I'm going to start with who I believe are the UK's top 10 pundits then give a few honourable mentions to the worse. The list will mainly feature pundits from Sky, BT and the BBC.
SO LEGGOOOOOO...

10. Glen Hoddle

Probably only here because I couldn't think of anyone else. He will do I guess. Good manager, good player maybe a tad boring but yeah I'll let him grace the list.

9. Thierry Henry

Maybe a surprise to some people seeing as he's new to the game and there has been some criticism towards him. But when you set the premier league on fire like he did and was perhaps one of the best strikers to grace the lead everything and anything he says is going to be interesting to hear. Obviously highly intelligent in his analysis especially of strikers with a few more years experience he'll be one of the best. Sometimes takes a bit long to get his point across but I put that down maybe to just being a newbie.

8. Phil Neville

Maybe another surprise, but I found it very hard to rank pundits. Phile Neville isn't an amazing pundit but he does just talk a lot of sense. He has years of experience in the game at top clubs like Manchester United and Everton he obviously knows what he's talking about.

7. Jermaine Jenas

And the surprises keep on coming. The only reason why Jenas is on the list is perhaps because he didn't reach the heights like other pundits did in they're playing career so just being able to be a pundit in the first place is an achievement. Unfortunately suffered an injury which prematurely put an end to his career he seems to be having a blast as part of the punditry squad for BBC. Surprisingly inciteful at times and always speaking with a smile on his face the fact that he's young and has only just come out of the game brings a sense of youth and freshness to what otherwise looks like a grandad's meeting around the MOTD table.

6. Mark Lawrenson

Just tells it like it is.

5. Ruud Gullit

Cool, calm and collected. Always nice to add a bit of international class to proceedings and Gullit brings just that. With an amazing career that includes a Ballon d'Or and World Soccer Player of the Year Gullit was perhaps a big catch by the BBC. Knows the game inside out, highly intelligent and not annoying.

4. Jamie Redknapp

I know a lot of people are divided by Jamie Redknapp, well at least I think they are, I really respect him. had a moderately successful career but shows a raw enthusiasm for punditry that we perhaps don't see with many others. I think the fact that he didn't really achieve anything is a testament to his punditry. Just as long as he can ditch that biased towards his cuz Frank he could be a favourite.

3. Graeme Souness

Someone else who tells it like it is. Just has a sense of authority and makes you believe in everything he's saying. Maybe that's just me.

2. Jamie Carragher

ANNOYING VOICE... but I look past that and his work on MNF is just incredible. Had a long semi successful career with Liverpool playing with some of the world's top players. He knows the deal and does it in style.

1. Gary Neville

Was anyone else going to be number 1? I think not. This man has probably revolutionised the world of punditry. Along with Carragher is work on MNF is amazing. Surprisingly unbiased towards his old club Manchester United the man finds things in football games you had never even considered before. Perhaps one of the best right backs the Premier League has ever seen he was destined for punditry. His occassion banter with his old rival Carragher is in fact funny and a joy to watch. His occasional co-commentary is also top notch.

Honourable mentions for worse pundits...

Alan Shearer

Used to like him and admired him when I was a kid but my main probolem with him is the way he casually uses the line "Should've scored". Okay at times when he says the play should have scored but when someone takes a shot from the edge of the area with about 9 players in the box you can't be saying that. Only because your the leagues all time top goal scorer doesn't mean you can start saying everyone should be scoring here there and everywhere.

Robbie Savage

Again with the voice. Achieved next to nothing in his career, wasn't even that good a footballer don't even know how he made it into the world of punditry. But I concede that you don't need to have achieved a lot to be a great pundit but you do need a good footballing mind, unfortunately this man has neither. I will say this though he's not afraid to say what he thinks even if it is controversial. He's said a lot of things I've thought before.

Martin Keown

Didn't like him when he was a player, don't like him now his a player. Offers no incite what so ever, basically just describes the game as it goes along.

Michael Owen

A rare pundit but an ever present co commentator who comes out with the most outrageous statements (Sterling is better than Ozil) and also unfortunately has an annoying voice. But I did like him as a player and i assume I like him as a human being.

Steve Mcmanaman

Okay you played for Real Madrid... don't know where I was going with that. He just always seems to be angry.

Roy Keane

He's not a bad pundit. But he's brutal honesty which I almost always disagree with is a bit jarring.

Who are your favourite pundits?

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Because being not loud means your boring and unsociable... right?

I'm a journey of self discovery today, so this post is going to be a bit personal. I promise it will be interesting just bare with.

So many people who know me will probably see me in two different ways. Close friends and family will probably say I'm very talkative and always joking around whereas other people who don't know me quite so well will probably say I'm quiet and unsociable. Quiet, yes, unsociable no. This divide only became apparent to me when I started university and I found out I am indeed a very quiet person. Actually I prefer the term introverted.

I guess you could say it's shyness and I can admit when I'm meeting new people or in a big group of people I am a bit shy. I hate being centre of attention and I guess I just don't want to stand out. If you're a shy person you probably understand this and meeting new people is such a struggle. It's so hard to bring out who you when meeting someone new for the first time. Some people are able to do it instantly which I think is pretty amazing, others it takes time.

I think for me personally, you will only get to see that talkative and jokey side of me is if you are yourself with me. All too often we're put in a situation where we're just making small talk but you're not actually being yourself. I mean you don't know this person so it's not going to happen straight away. What makes me feel most comfortable is if you're able to joke around a bit and not keep everything so formal. I love people who don't take themselves too seriously, who smile and seem genuinely interested in getting to know you. I would love to be the type of guy who instigates this kind of behaviour but I'm just not. What if I say the wrong thing? What if this person doesn't even want to speak to me? What if I'm just annoying them?

That aside a lot of it is down to me just not wanting to say anything. You know you get these people that talk for the sake of talking. I could never be that. Because most of the time I feel as though they're talking about crap no one wants to hear and I wouldn't want to be that guy. If I feel as though what I have to say serves some importance then I'll speak up. But until then I'm happy just observing and listening. Don't mistake the silence for being unsociable because in my head I'm very much involved with this group conversation, unfortunately the topic just isn't something I'm interested in or know much about so I keep my mouth shut.

The awkwardness that arises from these situations is unbearable though. Someone will ask me a simple question and all of a sudden it's like I'm in an interview and my mind just goes blank. I have no idea what to say. I want to say something meaningful I really do but yeah hardly anything comes out and the other party is just staring at me like "Wow this guy is boring". Also I've noticed, in person, that I'm not very good at keeping a conversation going. With close friends its easy because I speak to them everyday so I practically know what to say almost instantly without having to think but with others it takes a bit more thought and mental preparation. Thank you for conversing with me but I literally have no idea how to keep this conversation moving. And the thing that annoys me is if I'm texting I always come up with adequate responses. Ah man, I don't know what's wrong with me.

And the messed up thing about all this is that I love getting to know new people. I guess I'm just not very good at it. I've come to accept I am the way I am and no matter how hard I try it;s never going to change. I'm always going to be socially awkward, that guy you no of "but doesn't speak much". At this point I should probably note that most of the people I am close with I am only close with because at some point they initially started speaking to me. So thanks guys! Here's to friendship. 

There's a personality in here, it just takes the right person to bring it out. If you fancy a challenge, you know where I am haha.

So to conclude, even though I don't say much believe me I am interested in what you're saying. I'm not "boring" I guess I just need the right environment and people and subject to get me going. Wow I'm high maintenance.

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