Seems I always find myself talking about my adventures in America, but how can I not? So in honour of all my Camp family and to give my experience and advice going through the process, here's a video! Enjoy!
I don't know why this bothered me so much, but it just did. You know how on Facebook you get these posts that are from some randomer you don't even know about how their child is missing, or someone who they know has been attacked or what not. Well yeah normally I just skim past those because I see so many and the stories are all the same.
But this one caught my attention. So I can't remember the whole story but the basics are that a woman's son who is ginger was being verbally attacked by some teenagers on some sort of public transport. First of all, to curse out anyone is just not cool and this is only amplified when it's in public and to a child. Apparently one of the teens said "if my child was ginger I'd kill him". Now let me stop you right there. If you have this hatred towards gingers, chances are you're not ginger and you're not going to fornicate with a ginger so the chances of your child being ginger are pretty slim. ALSO with that attitude who says you're even going to have kids?
So I carry on scrolling down reading the story, the teens apparently called the woman's son "ugly". And this is where I really got annoyed. If the woman's son was actually ugly, it's still not okay, but alright you say that. BUT the woman's son was actually a really cute kid. You know you get those kids and you can just tell they're going to grow up to be good looking. Well yeah, he's one of those. Nothing ugly about him, that is if this whole story is true and that is actually her son. It's one thing being called ugly when you're actually ugly, but being called ugly when you're not, nah I'm not having it. And the heart breaking thing about all this is the kid had no idea what was going on and why these kids were saying these things. How tragic... Don't you worry little man your future is probably brighter than these low lives who have nothing better to do than bully a little kid.
And all this just makes you wonder how many people are there like this in the world. It's a well known fact that people can't help the way they look. If we're disregarding botox and plastic surgery. Like, if you're ginger, you're ginger, if you're asian, you're asian. There's no menu in the mothers womb where you get to customise your appearance settings. We are born and we just have to live with what we are given. So to insult someone about this is unfounded and makes no sense what so ever. I think the majority of us have probably either dished out this kind of abuse or taken it, most likely when we were younger, because we didn't know any better. But come on if you're going to insult someone at least make it a bit creative. Dissing someone for their looks not only shows a lack of imagination but is also pretty foolish and shows just how simple-minded you are.
The fact that we are all different is what makes the world so amazing. Time to start embracing the differences. We're all human and we should all be treated like one. With compassion and respect. It's up to us to teach the younger generations how the world is and how we should treat the people around us. No one is better than anyone. Once upon a time every single one of us was a small embryo growing inside a womb... well most of us. At one point we were all seen as innocent young babies.
Hmmmm... maybe we're not so different after all...
P.S For the record I've always had a soft spot for ginger girls.
So, a certain Digital Spy article was recently brought to my attention where they basically ranked every single Pixar film. Now I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that no opinion can ever be wrong. But let me tell you, what a pile of trash this list was.
So I thought it only made sense to create the definitive ranking of Pixar films. If you don't agree then... you're wrong.
15. A Bug's Life
To be completely honest with you this is only bottom because I've only seen it once and can't remember it that well. Some people might say I should've watched it before I made this list, but I don't have the DVD and I don't watch movies illegally... LOL.
14. Cars 2
Don't think its a surprise that this film is so low down. But let me just start by saying that I don't actually think Cars 2 is a bad film. I actually thought it was a fun movie but just didn't live up to the standards previously set by Pixar. I think it was a mistake to focus more on Mater as even though I like him as a character he does grate on you after a while. Not that Cars was that amazing and it kind of makes you think why they made a sequel... oh yeah $$$.
13. Brave
This film was a pleasant surprise. Normally I don't receive "girl power" films too well but Brave wasn't too overt about it. I wasn't expecting much when I saw it which is probably why I liked it. How can you not love a Disney princess who is a badass with a bow. And there's a bit of "proudness" due to the fact that it's set in the UK. I would love to talk about it more but to be honest I've forgotten a lot of it. I really should've watched all these movies before making this list.
12. Ratatouille
So it took me a while to watch this film because I just wasn't interested. I thought the premise was dumb and I despise mice so there was nothing appealing to me. But because I'm such a Pixar fan I can't not watch a Pixar film. So yeah I actually enjoyed it. Turns out that the premise makes for some genuinely funny moments and the animated Paris just looks amazing. It's one of those movies that's not about humans but the message is very human and that stuff just kicks ass man.
11. Cars
I honestly don't know why this film gets so much hate. When I first watched it, I loved it. Then I read reviews and spoke to people and there was a lot of hate which made me feel bad for enjoying it. But overall it's an enjoyable movie. I think when we were younger we all imagined a world when cars were alive. I think the voice acting is pretty phenomenal and McQueen's whole character arc is one that is executed in one of the best and believable way out of any Pixar film.
10. Monsters University
I think we all knew Monsters University wasn't going to be as good as Monsters Inc. When I heard it was going to be a prequel instead of a sequel, although it made perfect sense, it was a little disappointing. the whole reason why I loved Monsters Inc was because of Sully and Boo's relationship which we would have been deprived of in a prequel. However the visuals in this movie are pretty great. When Mike first walks into the University grounds the amount of colours and detail is just eye-porn. (pardon the pun). It was a bit episodic, going from one game to the next but witnessing the flourishing relationship between Mike and Sully now seems like the perfect choice to drive the plot of the movie. Also might I add that the ending wasn't actually predictable.
9. Wall-e
I AM NOT A BIG WALL-E FAN. The only reason why this film is above the ones below it is because of the bold move Pixar took with the opening 45 minutes. To not have any dialogue in a children's movie is pretty risky. But film is a visual medium as people say so it's not an entirely stupid decision. Another reason for why I think this movie is great is because of the message it gets across, about humans and the way we treat the Earth. Pretty deep...
8. Inside Out
When I first heard about Inside Out I thought it was the most innovative and bold premise I had ever heard. And who better to pull it off than Pixar. And boy did they. I'll start off by saying I was expecting something else, but I'm not sure what. So I'll let that slide and take the film for what it is. It's engaging, informative and actually quite emotional. The film is actually an analysis of mental health in youths and that's a great thing to portray to children. Chances are they've never seen anything like it before. The film has numerous laughs thanks to the ensemble cast. The dynamic between the emotions was great, so I was a bit disappointed when they split up. I'm a bit surprised it's not higher on the list but that just goes to show how great Pixar movies are.
7. Up
This was a film I rewatched recently and I actually enjoyed it more than when I first watched it. I think the montage alone at the beginning makes this film pretty amazing. A miscarriage and a death in like the first 20 mins of an animated movie. Superb! From then you're emotionally invested. I also love how bonkers the whole thing is. I mean, flying your house with balloons... come on! It makes for some amazing visuals. Seeing all those balloons pop up from Carl's house is spectacular. I also love how they had an Asian-American as one of the main characters. What was even more amazing was the fact that this was never alluded to in the film it just happened to be the case. Up has it all, laughs, action and emotion.
6. The Incredibles
I'm a sucker for a superhero movie and the Incredibles is better than most super hero movies I've seen. They're a super-hero family. I mean that's pretty great. Super-hero movies normally focus on one person which a special set of abilities but this is a whole family. just from that set up you just know its going to be something fresh on an otherwise tired format. The powers themselves are pretty basic which isn't a bad thing but it's the way that the families use their powers which is innovative. I mean at one point Dash runs on water and it turns out that Jack Jack is the real hero. Fun for all the family, coincidentally, and a mad ride from start to finish.
5. Monsters inc
I think this was the first Pixar movie I watched over and over again. Out of all the films on this list I've probably seen this one the most. Monsters Inc, I think, is just a master piece. A world of monsters where "scream" is their energy. Whoever came up with that deserves some sort of accolade. It would have been so easy to just have a movie about monsters but incorporating that human element, embodied in the character of Boo is what makes the movie so special. As I previously said Boo and Sully's relationship is ultimately what makes this movie so great. The fact that Boo is so young, can't really speak, and ultimately has no idea what's going on or the danger she's in just pulls at your heart strings. And I love the fact that the monsters are not evil, even better the fact that they're scared of humans. It makes for some funny moments and a great dynamic.
4. Toy Story
A true classic. I don't think I even need to justify why this movie is this high up on the list. I mean the movie plays on every kids fantasy and in the best way possible. I think Woody is one of the best characters to come out of Pixar, his underlying sass is great. Buzz's whole identity crisis is great to watch and the whole resolution is quite touching. I remember watching the whole scene in Sid's room and being absolutely creeped out. Also smart move on Disney's part, the merchandising was so easy, the movie was basically one big advert. But a great advert. I'm pretty sure I owned a Buzz Lightyear.
3. Finding Nemo
Aaaahhhh Finding Nemo. This opened our eyes to a world we've never seen before. We would all like to know what the world beneath the sea looks like and Finding Nemo gives us a great insight into it. A lot of research must've went into this film which I greatly appreciate. best line "He touched the butt" which I never actually got when I first watched it (yeah i was a slow child). But Marlin and Dory's scenes were just as great as Nemo's in the fish tank. A young fish with a deformed fin stepping up and being brave is what we all want to see in a movie right? Oh also the opening scene and the music that comes on when it ends... bliss.
2. Toy Story 2
Was there any doubt that this film would be in the top 2. Surely not. I find it hard to quite put my finger on what makes this film so great, but it just is. Bullseye and Jessie were great additions to the group and Woody questioning his life as Andy's toy was an engaging dilemma to see unfold. I also like the fact that the supposed "villain" for most of the movie was such a buffoon. And Stinky Pete's betrayal was actually a surprise. Once again Pixar's animations are top notch and they hit us again with another heart breaking montage. Not as heart breaking as Up but still pretty darn sad. I will never get tired of watching Andy's toys adventures but the deep analysis of Woody's character in Toy Story 2 is just amazing. Oh there we go, that's why the movie's so good.
1. Toy Story 3
I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS TOY STORY 3 IS THE BEST TOY STORY. I will happily fight anyone who says otherwise. I hate this whole mentality where people always say the original is the best purely for nostalgia reasons. In my honest opinion I think Toy Story 3 is better than it's predecessors. I mean the whole film is basically a prison break! That is great. I don't think it gets any better than that. Not to mention the best villain in all of the Toy Story films. Lotso's rage is believable and he is possibly going through something a lot of us have gone through. Again, I was genuinely surprised when he turned out to be the bad guy and from then on the film just went from strength to strength. But I remember watching this and there were three key moments that cemented this movie as the best Pixar movie and the best Toy Story movie. the first moment is when the Chatter Telephone tells Woody about how Daycare is run and how the toys can escape. The second one was when the toys all thought they were going to be incinerated and held hands. And finally the part that had us all sobbing, when Andy finally drives away at the end. Actually another moment that I should mention is at the beginning when we learn that a lot of the toys have gone and the first time we see a grown up Andy. No-one really sees Toy story as a trilogy... but it is one of the best.
So there we have it, the definitive list. Although I do want to say that ranking these movies is probably one of the hardest things. I honestly think they are all great movies but obviously we like different movies for different reason so it's hard to compare. A lot of them are probably interchangeable except for top spot. No doubt Toy Story 3 is and always will be the best.
So I thought it only made sense to create the definitive ranking of Pixar films. If you don't agree then... you're wrong.
15. A Bug's Life
To be completely honest with you this is only bottom because I've only seen it once and can't remember it that well. Some people might say I should've watched it before I made this list, but I don't have the DVD and I don't watch movies illegally... LOL.
14. Cars 2
Don't think its a surprise that this film is so low down. But let me just start by saying that I don't actually think Cars 2 is a bad film. I actually thought it was a fun movie but just didn't live up to the standards previously set by Pixar. I think it was a mistake to focus more on Mater as even though I like him as a character he does grate on you after a while. Not that Cars was that amazing and it kind of makes you think why they made a sequel... oh yeah $$$.
13. Brave
This film was a pleasant surprise. Normally I don't receive "girl power" films too well but Brave wasn't too overt about it. I wasn't expecting much when I saw it which is probably why I liked it. How can you not love a Disney princess who is a badass with a bow. And there's a bit of "proudness" due to the fact that it's set in the UK. I would love to talk about it more but to be honest I've forgotten a lot of it. I really should've watched all these movies before making this list.
12. Ratatouille
So it took me a while to watch this film because I just wasn't interested. I thought the premise was dumb and I despise mice so there was nothing appealing to me. But because I'm such a Pixar fan I can't not watch a Pixar film. So yeah I actually enjoyed it. Turns out that the premise makes for some genuinely funny moments and the animated Paris just looks amazing. It's one of those movies that's not about humans but the message is very human and that stuff just kicks ass man.
11. Cars
I honestly don't know why this film gets so much hate. When I first watched it, I loved it. Then I read reviews and spoke to people and there was a lot of hate which made me feel bad for enjoying it. But overall it's an enjoyable movie. I think when we were younger we all imagined a world when cars were alive. I think the voice acting is pretty phenomenal and McQueen's whole character arc is one that is executed in one of the best and believable way out of any Pixar film.
10. Monsters University
I think we all knew Monsters University wasn't going to be as good as Monsters Inc. When I heard it was going to be a prequel instead of a sequel, although it made perfect sense, it was a little disappointing. the whole reason why I loved Monsters Inc was because of Sully and Boo's relationship which we would have been deprived of in a prequel. However the visuals in this movie are pretty great. When Mike first walks into the University grounds the amount of colours and detail is just eye-porn. (pardon the pun). It was a bit episodic, going from one game to the next but witnessing the flourishing relationship between Mike and Sully now seems like the perfect choice to drive the plot of the movie. Also might I add that the ending wasn't actually predictable.
9. Wall-e
I AM NOT A BIG WALL-E FAN. The only reason why this film is above the ones below it is because of the bold move Pixar took with the opening 45 minutes. To not have any dialogue in a children's movie is pretty risky. But film is a visual medium as people say so it's not an entirely stupid decision. Another reason for why I think this movie is great is because of the message it gets across, about humans and the way we treat the Earth. Pretty deep...
8. Inside Out
When I first heard about Inside Out I thought it was the most innovative and bold premise I had ever heard. And who better to pull it off than Pixar. And boy did they. I'll start off by saying I was expecting something else, but I'm not sure what. So I'll let that slide and take the film for what it is. It's engaging, informative and actually quite emotional. The film is actually an analysis of mental health in youths and that's a great thing to portray to children. Chances are they've never seen anything like it before. The film has numerous laughs thanks to the ensemble cast. The dynamic between the emotions was great, so I was a bit disappointed when they split up. I'm a bit surprised it's not higher on the list but that just goes to show how great Pixar movies are.
7. Up
This was a film I rewatched recently and I actually enjoyed it more than when I first watched it. I think the montage alone at the beginning makes this film pretty amazing. A miscarriage and a death in like the first 20 mins of an animated movie. Superb! From then you're emotionally invested. I also love how bonkers the whole thing is. I mean, flying your house with balloons... come on! It makes for some amazing visuals. Seeing all those balloons pop up from Carl's house is spectacular. I also love how they had an Asian-American as one of the main characters. What was even more amazing was the fact that this was never alluded to in the film it just happened to be the case. Up has it all, laughs, action and emotion.
6. The Incredibles
I'm a sucker for a superhero movie and the Incredibles is better than most super hero movies I've seen. They're a super-hero family. I mean that's pretty great. Super-hero movies normally focus on one person which a special set of abilities but this is a whole family. just from that set up you just know its going to be something fresh on an otherwise tired format. The powers themselves are pretty basic which isn't a bad thing but it's the way that the families use their powers which is innovative. I mean at one point Dash runs on water and it turns out that Jack Jack is the real hero. Fun for all the family, coincidentally, and a mad ride from start to finish.
5. Monsters inc
I think this was the first Pixar movie I watched over and over again. Out of all the films on this list I've probably seen this one the most. Monsters Inc, I think, is just a master piece. A world of monsters where "scream" is their energy. Whoever came up with that deserves some sort of accolade. It would have been so easy to just have a movie about monsters but incorporating that human element, embodied in the character of Boo is what makes the movie so special. As I previously said Boo and Sully's relationship is ultimately what makes this movie so great. The fact that Boo is so young, can't really speak, and ultimately has no idea what's going on or the danger she's in just pulls at your heart strings. And I love the fact that the monsters are not evil, even better the fact that they're scared of humans. It makes for some funny moments and a great dynamic.
4. Toy Story
A true classic. I don't think I even need to justify why this movie is this high up on the list. I mean the movie plays on every kids fantasy and in the best way possible. I think Woody is one of the best characters to come out of Pixar, his underlying sass is great. Buzz's whole identity crisis is great to watch and the whole resolution is quite touching. I remember watching the whole scene in Sid's room and being absolutely creeped out. Also smart move on Disney's part, the merchandising was so easy, the movie was basically one big advert. But a great advert. I'm pretty sure I owned a Buzz Lightyear.
3. Finding Nemo
Aaaahhhh Finding Nemo. This opened our eyes to a world we've never seen before. We would all like to know what the world beneath the sea looks like and Finding Nemo gives us a great insight into it. A lot of research must've went into this film which I greatly appreciate. best line "He touched the butt" which I never actually got when I first watched it (yeah i was a slow child). But Marlin and Dory's scenes were just as great as Nemo's in the fish tank. A young fish with a deformed fin stepping up and being brave is what we all want to see in a movie right? Oh also the opening scene and the music that comes on when it ends... bliss.
2. Toy Story 2
Was there any doubt that this film would be in the top 2. Surely not. I find it hard to quite put my finger on what makes this film so great, but it just is. Bullseye and Jessie were great additions to the group and Woody questioning his life as Andy's toy was an engaging dilemma to see unfold. I also like the fact that the supposed "villain" for most of the movie was such a buffoon. And Stinky Pete's betrayal was actually a surprise. Once again Pixar's animations are top notch and they hit us again with another heart breaking montage. Not as heart breaking as Up but still pretty darn sad. I will never get tired of watching Andy's toys adventures but the deep analysis of Woody's character in Toy Story 2 is just amazing. Oh there we go, that's why the movie's so good.
1. Toy Story 3
I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS TOY STORY 3 IS THE BEST TOY STORY. I will happily fight anyone who says otherwise. I hate this whole mentality where people always say the original is the best purely for nostalgia reasons. In my honest opinion I think Toy Story 3 is better than it's predecessors. I mean the whole film is basically a prison break! That is great. I don't think it gets any better than that. Not to mention the best villain in all of the Toy Story films. Lotso's rage is believable and he is possibly going through something a lot of us have gone through. Again, I was genuinely surprised when he turned out to be the bad guy and from then on the film just went from strength to strength. But I remember watching this and there were three key moments that cemented this movie as the best Pixar movie and the best Toy Story movie. the first moment is when the Chatter Telephone tells Woody about how Daycare is run and how the toys can escape. The second one was when the toys all thought they were going to be incinerated and held hands. And finally the part that had us all sobbing, when Andy finally drives away at the end. Actually another moment that I should mention is at the beginning when we learn that a lot of the toys have gone and the first time we see a grown up Andy. No-one really sees Toy story as a trilogy... but it is one of the best.
So there we have it, the definitive list. Although I do want to say that ranking these movies is probably one of the hardest things. I honestly think they are all great movies but obviously we like different movies for different reason so it's hard to compare. A lot of them are probably interchangeable except for top spot. No doubt Toy Story 3 is and always will be the best.
So I've been meaning to write a post about this for a while but I thought to really portray to you how crazy this challenge was it could only be done through a video. So here it is my first ever vlog... actually that's a lie. But it's the first vlog I'm posting on here. The editing is a bit flaky seeing as I don't have the latest editing software because you know... $$$. Not to say I'm becoming a vlogger or anything but it just made sense to do it. Please give it a watch and hope you like it.
Anyway I don't normally write posts at such a ridiculous hour but I just have a lot to say, so you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and say it, because I'll tell you this for nothing I have the worst memory ever.
So this post is about a little fast food outlet called Centros. If you live in Bournemouth then you definitely know it. If you don't then you don't live in Bournemouth. You think you do, but you actually don't. I swear this place is more famous than the beach. Anywhoooooo... so I was at work having a terrible night. Slight digression, who knew people still like to club when they're 50+. Like I'm all about living life and doing what you like, but come on. You're 50 and you're wearing neon clothes and Wookies on your feet. What do you do for a living? And gosh that noise, no not music, noise. No way is that music. If it is then heck, my definition of what a song is has gone completely out the window. And please you must know half your teeth are missing please try not to open your mouth when you talk to me I feel sick enough as it is. Hang on what we talking about again? Oh yeah.
So after being thrown a life line by my manager with the best words man has ever known "Do you want to go home". Yes, Yes i bloody well do. I picked up my crap and skipped out of there like I was on my way to Narnia. Actually the good thing about the older generation is that obviously they're more willing to part with their money because lets be hionest they're going to do die soon. I'M KIDDING, don't get offended. So I got a £5 tip which was burning a hole in my pocket and I thought, "I need to spend this" because I'm pretty frikkin hungry. So the go to place after work is Subway. Which is normally reliable, except for when they only have flatbread, or completely run out of bread, like what's all that about? But today I was feeling a bit adventurous, a bit saucy so I wanted to try something different. Now I've been to centro like 7 times but only eaten from there twice. I always go in there and regret my decision. But I'm all about seeing the good in things and giving second chances or should I say 8th chances. So I walk in knowing that I'm not going to be met with anything new but I was determined to buy something. I wasn't going to walk out of there empty handed. But let me tell you, I almost did. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. The place makes no sense... I'll tell you why.
One of the deals they promote is "Free chips with any large burger or kebab". First of all, what the hell is a "large burger". Like what does that even mean? Am I missing something? Is someone playing a joke? I have never asked for a "large burger" anywhere in my life. Like you have 1/4lbs burgers and 1/2lbs burgers which they sell, but when it comes to chicken they say "Large". What is the national standard size for burgers? I have no idea. So that was that. The burger by itself costs £5. Who does this place think it is. Trying to sell burgers for £5. Well this is where their jedi mind tricks come in. You're not actually getting "free chips". Because a burger and chips meal that costs £5 is okay I guess, well outside of London. So there's you thinking "what a great deal man, I got free chips" because let's be honest we all like free stuff, which is probably why this deal sucks in so many people in. But in actual fact, you just got cheated and robbed all in the space of 2 minutes, congratulations, Props to you Centro.
Now let me rewind for a hot sec and tell you another reason for why this place sucks. So this was another time I went in there and was buying something for £6. Don't ask what and me being a human being wanted a nice cold refreshing beverage to wash it down with. So I said to the guy can I get a CAN of tango as well. Then can you believe the guy had the cheek to say... "That will be £7.20". Do the math. How much did that can cost? And to think I was actually going to pay that fool. So me being a bit confused I was like "Why is it so much?". He said well the meal is £6 and the drink is £1.20. Needless to say I took my money and ran. Who are they to be charging £1.20 when it says 59p on the can? I don't care if you're selling the wine that Jesus made, you ain't getting £1.20 for a can, are you mad? This is why I avoid this place.
Reason number... oh wait I'm not numbering these. reason number 8.5 for why Centros is the residence of the Devil. One of their advertised meals is chicken goujons with garlic pizza bread. Is that a normal combo? And all the photos in that damn place look like they've been taken with a polaroid camera back in the 1950s. I don't know if you know this about me but old photos creep me the hell out. Don't ask me why, they just do. Wait chicken goujons and garlic pizza bread. Do people actually sit at home and say to themselves "Ah i want some chicken goujons, and do you know what would go perfectly with that? Garlic pizza bread." If that isn't absurd enough the meal costs like £6. Well I say meal, that ain't a meal. If you're going to Centros with the sole intention of buying that then I think your life needs re-evaluating. I'm pretty sure you only get like 2 goujons that were probably bought from the Co-op around the corner.
The place is never short of drama, the craziest thing happened in there tonight. A girl had the cheek to ask for a free tap water and the guy said "No". I know, crazy right. He had nothing to put the water in apparently. You're telling me that in this whole building you don't have anything to put a bit of water in. Not a cup or a mug or a skillet. You're having me on. To be honest the girl was kind of annoying so I was actually glad the guy didn't give her the water. She was standing there complaining about how hot the chilli sauce was. It had just been raining, go lick a puddle. You wouldn't believe the lengths she went to, to find some sort of water holding utensil. She probably would've drunk water out of my ear. And like she was without a drink for quite a while. I was thinking surely the "hotness" is gone by now. What kind of chilli sauce are they selling here. Luckily for her a kind stranger, who tried to peek in on a Facebook convo I was having, bought her a bottle of water, which I'm sure cost him about £5.
Wait hold on... I bought the burger and "free" chips. THEY GOT ME! There's me writing this thinking I'm too smart for this but they actually got me. Well I do live next to a police station, I'll go in there and tell them how I got robbed by people disguised as fast food vendors.
To top off this whole experience I ate the burger and I liked it. So I'll probably be back there next week, buying the exact same thing.
Well actually I have a bit of time to figure that out seeing as I stalled my entry into the real world by staying on at uni. Yes that is the real reason why I decided to do a masters, sue me.
I graduated the other day and what an ordeal it was. For those of you who are at uni or going to uni in the future you still have this to look forward to. But let me take you through the whole process of this mess we call graduation.
When we're young and we see these American films and the characters are graduating its all very happy and celebratory and us Brits are like "damn I want to graduate, why don't we graduate after EVERY year of school?" Let's be honest that's what Americans do right? They even graduate kindergarten. But that's another story. But what isn't depicted is the gritty preparations that underline the whole ceremony.
Let me start by saying that for some reason my university decides to have graduation in November? Is that even normal, like who does that?
So the whole process kicks off when you find out if you've passed uni basically and not flunked out like some bum. If you do then well done you've taken your first step towards escaping education. But it all goes downhill from there. Now I can't say that I didn't know about what was to come but its a completely different story when you're experiencing it and realising how ludicrous it actually is. So you might get an email from your uni congratulating you on performing within the limits of university life and informing you on the next steps to take towards graduation. The first thing they probably want to know is if you're attending or not. This is where I slipped up. Without even thinking I said yes. Actually, my mother said yes not me, I had no choice. Anyway then comes the money. Don't worry, your ticket to your OWN graduation is free, what a relief, but obviously your parents and loved ones have to pay to watch the big occasion. Which I guess is fair enough. Then you get that email about hiring robes and mortarboards (those stupid hats). Let me tell you, you don't wear them for very long but yet you have to pay £45 basically for traditional purposes. Now I know hiring anything costs money. But come on, I've paid 9 grand a year for this moment, I've finished uni and you're still trying to squeeze money out of me. I would rather give you blood. So now you're probably in your overdraft unless you've landed on your feet and found yourself a job already then go you. But did you know there's a whole protocol for how you walk across a stage and shake a persons hand. You thought you knew everything about walking didn't you? I mean you've been doing it since you were like 2. But oh no no you do not. You need a step by step guide on how to successfully travel 30 feet across a stage and shake the hand of a person you don't even know.
At the risk of getting too into it, that's pretty much the pre-ceremony preparations. Now let's talk about the actual day. So these crafty buggers tried to make us get to the venue at 7am even though the thing started at 10. It was safe to say that wasn't going to happen. So I got there at 8:30, was I at any disadvantage turning up an hour and 30 minutes late? No. What were they thinking? In fact i could've turned up 5 mins before 10 and I would've been fine. Never get anywhere on time kids, unless I've asked you to be somewhere then boy you better be at least an hour early. So I walk in and the first sign that this was going to be the beginning of the end was when I hit the queue to collect our gowns. The confirmation email said at the top in RED letters, so you know that's serious, to "PRINT" the email. So why is this guy telling me that I could have shown him an electronic copy? Not only did I help in killing the environment I also lost out on valuable sleep as I had to rush to a printer at midnight and print off this "important" document. Thinking about it, what were they going to do? Not let me graduate? Ha... So yeah I was glad to realise that people dressed us which was great because I just about got my suit on. And the guy who was dressing me, put my hat on and said "well done perfect fit". He congratulated me on picking the right size hat? Mate I just got a degree and you're congratulating me on correctly measuring the size of my head...
Then we come to the ceremony itself. And I'll tell you this for nothing, graduation is just 2 and a half hours of non stop clapping for people you don't even know and courses you didn't even know existed. I mean gaining a degree is a great thing and should be celebrated but I have never sat through anything so drawn out and "fake". Its amazing seeing all these people smartly dressed in robes when you've seen them throwing up at 2am in the morning down the back of Chicken Cottage. There's such a disconnect between Graduation and actual university life. University isn't this structured and proper. Most of these people were probably on the lash every week and did assignments the night before they were due. So when it finally ends after standing for half an hour waiting for these people to slowly crawl out the hall, your hands are probably bleeding and you're left thinking that you'd probably rather be in bed. (or is that just me). I couldn't wait to get out of the robes that made me feel like I was on my way to Hogwarts. Which actually isn't too bad a feeling. This was also my first time wearing a full suit which wasn't bad if I'm totally honest.
So time to say goodbye to people you will probably never see or talk to again and enter the big wide world where you will probably get eaten alive and your degree will count for not very much. You realise you have well and truly been chewed up and spat back out. You can't believe the 3/4 years has gone so quick and you begin to wish you were back in simpler times when your biggest worry was whether to buy brands or ASDA smart price.
Tip: Graduation pics are "like" gold mines on Facebook and Instagram. You could be killing a puppy but as long as you're wearing the robes people are bound to like it.
Along with this I get a sense of guilt when people congratulate me on gaining a degree because to be honest I don't feel like it was that hard to get. That's not me being big headed or anything I just feel like I could've done a lot more.
I know this all seems a bit negative which is only because its a blog post and most of them are just exaggerated. It wasn't THAT bad but if I were to write about how "NOT BAD" graduation was that would make for some pretty boring reading.
I was looking forward to the part where we all chuck our hats in the air... but that didn't even happen. I feel like I've been ripped off. The only chucking I did was of that cash when I paid for a hoodie and cloakroom.
Congratulations to everyone that graduated in 2015 and good luck in your future endeavors.
Girls look good..but they're so gross.
I want to tell you a story. So as a lot of you know, but if you don't, I work in a club. And I can honestly say I love my job. Except... EXCEPT for times like these...
So it was a casual Friday or Saturday night. There I was minding my own business as the tunes were popping outside. But the serenity was cut short when my manager walks in and says, "the boys toilet is blocked can you unblock it?". Me being the obedient guy I am obliged and proceeded to kit myself up.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I thought he was going to talk about girls so why is he talking about the guys toilet". Well if you stopped jumping to conclusions you'll see where the story is heading.
ANYWHOOOO... so I made my way through sweaty armpits and awful dancing to the guys toilet followed by my backup. I peaked round the corner and slowly pryed the door open when to my horror the toilet was an unimaginable mess. Like I know its a toilet, but you do your business and leave, how did this happen? I was met with a cauldron of a brown half liquid half solid substance that was beginning to burst the banks of the bowl. If someone didn't get in there quick then it was literally doomsday. So me armed with a plunger held my breath and entered the dark depths of the stall. I plunged harder than I ever plunged before, as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it actually unblocked pretty quickly and easy. I would have happily eat my dinner out of it... LOL.
So I marched out the bathroom happy with my work when a girl comes out the girls bathroom (this is what you've been waiting for) and tells us that the toilet in there is also blocked. So I'm there thinking surely it can't be as bad as the guys one. But how wrong I was. First of all she made it seem like it was a simple job, just ONE blocked toilet. But oh no every single toilet in that damn bathroom was blocked. And it wasn't a normal blockage where the water was rising, every toilet was filled with toilet paper. LIKE WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? Surely when you throw paper into the toilet you flush it. So how have you managed to do this. It was at this point that my plunger was rendered useless. I had to get down and dirty. Lie with the dogs or cats as it were. None of my "squad" were up to the task but you know me I never back down from a challenge. So i had to put my hand in the toilet and fish out all the paper in their which might I add had all sorts on them. YES ALL SORTS. AND HAVING SAID ALL THIS THERE IS A BIN RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET WHICH I IMAGINE IS THERE TO PREVENT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
I think I successfully unblocked two but after that I was too traumatised and just had to get out of there. And it was from that moment on that I looked at girls in a completely different light. I thought it was guys that were the pigs and the disgusting ones. How can people who look so nice cause something so monstrously gross. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. I need some sort of compensation I swear. I will never forget that day.
And just to top things off, I thought that was the only time I'd have to deal with such a travesty. How wrong I was. Apparently its some girls goal to completely eff up the toilet of the club they go to. Why man? Please, I beg, let this not be a recurring thing. I've seen enough liquefied faeces and mysterious brown and red toilet paper to last me a lifetime.
Please, not just girls, everyone just flush the toilet when you're done, because there is no logical reason for why any of these monstrosities occurred or is there because if so I'd like to know!
I want to tell you a story. So as a lot of you know, but if you don't, I work in a club. And I can honestly say I love my job. Except... EXCEPT for times like these...
So it was a casual Friday or Saturday night. There I was minding my own business as the tunes were popping outside. But the serenity was cut short when my manager walks in and says, "the boys toilet is blocked can you unblock it?". Me being the obedient guy I am obliged and proceeded to kit myself up.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I thought he was going to talk about girls so why is he talking about the guys toilet". Well if you stopped jumping to conclusions you'll see where the story is heading.
ANYWHOOOO... so I made my way through sweaty armpits and awful dancing to the guys toilet followed by my backup. I peaked round the corner and slowly pryed the door open when to my horror the toilet was an unimaginable mess. Like I know its a toilet, but you do your business and leave, how did this happen? I was met with a cauldron of a brown half liquid half solid substance that was beginning to burst the banks of the bowl. If someone didn't get in there quick then it was literally doomsday. So me armed with a plunger held my breath and entered the dark depths of the stall. I plunged harder than I ever plunged before, as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it actually unblocked pretty quickly and easy. I would have happily eat my dinner out of it... LOL.
So I marched out the bathroom happy with my work when a girl comes out the girls bathroom (this is what you've been waiting for) and tells us that the toilet in there is also blocked. So I'm there thinking surely it can't be as bad as the guys one. But how wrong I was. First of all she made it seem like it was a simple job, just ONE blocked toilet. But oh no every single toilet in that damn bathroom was blocked. And it wasn't a normal blockage where the water was rising, every toilet was filled with toilet paper. LIKE WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? Surely when you throw paper into the toilet you flush it. So how have you managed to do this. It was at this point that my plunger was rendered useless. I had to get down and dirty. Lie with the dogs or cats as it were. None of my "squad" were up to the task but you know me I never back down from a challenge. So i had to put my hand in the toilet and fish out all the paper in their which might I add had all sorts on them. YES ALL SORTS. AND HAVING SAID ALL THIS THERE IS A BIN RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET WHICH I IMAGINE IS THERE TO PREVENT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
I think I successfully unblocked two but after that I was too traumatised and just had to get out of there. And it was from that moment on that I looked at girls in a completely different light. I thought it was guys that were the pigs and the disgusting ones. How can people who look so nice cause something so monstrously gross. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. I need some sort of compensation I swear. I will never forget that day.
And just to top things off, I thought that was the only time I'd have to deal with such a travesty. How wrong I was. Apparently its some girls goal to completely eff up the toilet of the club they go to. Why man? Please, I beg, let this not be a recurring thing. I've seen enough liquefied faeces and mysterious brown and red toilet paper to last me a lifetime.
Please, not just girls, everyone just flush the toilet when you're done, because there is no logical reason for why any of these monstrosities occurred or is there because if so I'd like to know!
