I decided to start making a few videos that weren't all about fun and games. The point of the blog was to make people laugh and people think. "Cito Says..." is a new video series to make people think. Hope it's motivating for you and not too preachy or patronising. Enjoy!
Yeah, I still write on this thing! You're probably bored of seeing my ugly mug and hearing my annoying voice pound your ear drums so let's go back to basics shall we? Today's topic: Shopping. I mean it is that time of year so it only makes sense. And if there's one thing I've learnt about shopping, it's that it's bloody hard.
In the past week I've had many failed shopping attempts and to be honest with you, it's pretty woeful. I am possibly the worst shopper ever. Lets start at the beginning. For any shopping trip to be successful you need something called... money. Now I'm not a rich fellow. I have a job... but I cant be spending lavishly! And this is my biggest downfall. I'm too scared to part with my hard earned cash. Boy.... I'd make a bad parent. My kids will probably have to walk round butt naked because I won't want to buy them clothes.
So what this results in, is me picking up an item in a shop. Then spending the next 20 minutes literally deciding whether to buy it but I know at the back of my head I'm not really going to buy it. This is also just down to me being indecisive. The question I ask myself is can I live without this item for the foreseeable future so the answer is normally "yes". What makes this even worse is when a poor shop assistant tries to help me, desperately trying to make that sale, but I just know they're going to be unsuccessful. Oh well... I guess that's the life they chose, right? RIGHT? I'm a bad person aren't I?
Moving on... let's not forget about our experiences in between shops. Shopping centres are literally chav centrals these days. Especially during the school holidays. You get these 10 year old kids who's parents probably don't even know where they are with these man bags and Adidas tracksuits and so much gel their hair it's now flammable. And every year they just seem to get younger and younger. It's crazy! I hope I didn't look like that when I was that age. I probably did. And have you overheard a chav conversation. Using all these slang words that they probably heard last week and talking about things that they have no business talking about. AND WHAT ARE THEY EVEN DOING THERE?? Like seriously? What are you buying that you have to grab all your snotty nosed friends and terrorise the local shopping centre for? Where is the money coming from? Okay all that was a bit judgmental... but who cares?
Now let's talk about the other end of the spectrum. These places are never short of good looking human beings that you just can't help but stare at or stalk for a good 10 minutes. Is that weird? Don't lie to yourself you know you've done that. But there's no shame in that, its only normal for us to appreciate beautiful things right? Is that objectification? Even if it is that's not gonna stop us.
If I'm not buying anything. Then I'm buying too much. And once I start I can't stop. It's like I've had my first taste of blood. I start completely forgetting that all this stuff I'm buying is costing me money and I get stuff that I don't even need. What business do I have buying a watermelon cooler? The power of advertising people... convincing you to buy crap you definitely don't need. And all this is even worse when shopping online. Because at least when you're shopping in person you kind of get tired and physically can't shop anymore but this just isn't a problem. Also shops close, the internet... does not. I went so crazy on Black Friday that I started buying things that we'rent even in the sales. I was a zombie by the end. It was nice getting package after package and not knowing what was inside though. Actually... that just probably means I have a real problem. BUT... I now have a new and improved wardrobe so I'm the real winner here. I probably won't be saying that when my bank statement comes, but that's future Byran's problem.
Although I am a veteran online shopper there are 2 main gripes I have with it. First one. CHOOSING A BLOODY SIZE. Not even that... they have these models who are like HENCH. And it will say "model wears size medium". So you're like yeah cool I'll get a medium. And you get the damn thing, and it wouldn't even fit your 6 year old step son. And every model always seems to be wearing medium. I'm telling you its a conspiracy. No way are they wearing size medium, I am not having it. And returning something you've bought online is just hassle so 9 times out of 10 you'll just be like "I'll shrink/grow into it". Secondly, it's 2015 why are places still charging premium prices for delivery. Surely everywhere should be offering free delivery by now. And don't try and act like spending over £100 for free delivery is some sick deal, because we both know it's not.
Wow, didn't know I was so passionate about shopping.
I don't know why this bothered me so much, but it just did. You know how on Facebook you get these posts that are from some randomer you don't even know about how their child is missing, or someone who they know has been attacked or what not. Well yeah normally I just skim past those because I see so many and the stories are all the same.
But this one caught my attention. So I can't remember the whole story but the basics are that a woman's son who is ginger was being verbally attacked by some teenagers on some sort of public transport. First of all, to curse out anyone is just not cool and this is only amplified when it's in public and to a child. Apparently one of the teens said "if my child was ginger I'd kill him". Now let me stop you right there. If you have this hatred towards gingers, chances are you're not ginger and you're not going to fornicate with a ginger so the chances of your child being ginger are pretty slim. ALSO with that attitude who says you're even going to have kids?
So I carry on scrolling down reading the story, the teens apparently called the woman's son "ugly". And this is where I really got annoyed. If the woman's son was actually ugly, it's still not okay, but alright you say that. BUT the woman's son was actually a really cute kid. You know you get those kids and you can just tell they're going to grow up to be good looking. Well yeah, he's one of those. Nothing ugly about him, that is if this whole story is true and that is actually her son. It's one thing being called ugly when you're actually ugly, but being called ugly when you're not, nah I'm not having it. And the heart breaking thing about all this is the kid had no idea what was going on and why these kids were saying these things. How tragic... Don't you worry little man your future is probably brighter than these low lives who have nothing better to do than bully a little kid.
And all this just makes you wonder how many people are there like this in the world. It's a well known fact that people can't help the way they look. If we're disregarding botox and plastic surgery. Like, if you're ginger, you're ginger, if you're asian, you're asian. There's no menu in the mothers womb where you get to customise your appearance settings. We are born and we just have to live with what we are given. So to insult someone about this is unfounded and makes no sense what so ever. I think the majority of us have probably either dished out this kind of abuse or taken it, most likely when we were younger, because we didn't know any better. But come on if you're going to insult someone at least make it a bit creative. Dissing someone for their looks not only shows a lack of imagination but is also pretty foolish and shows just how simple-minded you are.
The fact that we are all different is what makes the world so amazing. Time to start embracing the differences. We're all human and we should all be treated like one. With compassion and respect. It's up to us to teach the younger generations how the world is and how we should treat the people around us. No one is better than anyone. Once upon a time every single one of us was a small embryo growing inside a womb... well most of us. At one point we were all seen as innocent young babies.
Hmmmm... maybe we're not so different after all...
P.S For the record I've always had a soft spot for ginger girls.
So, a certain Digital Spy article was recently brought to my attention where they basically ranked every single Pixar film. Now I'm a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that no opinion can ever be wrong. But let me tell you, what a pile of trash this list was.
So I thought it only made sense to create the definitive ranking of Pixar films. If you don't agree then... you're wrong.
15. A Bug's Life
To be completely honest with you this is only bottom because I've only seen it once and can't remember it that well. Some people might say I should've watched it before I made this list, but I don't have the DVD and I don't watch movies illegally... LOL.
14. Cars 2
Don't think its a surprise that this film is so low down. But let me just start by saying that I don't actually think Cars 2 is a bad film. I actually thought it was a fun movie but just didn't live up to the standards previously set by Pixar. I think it was a mistake to focus more on Mater as even though I like him as a character he does grate on you after a while. Not that Cars was that amazing and it kind of makes you think why they made a sequel... oh yeah $$$.
13. Brave
This film was a pleasant surprise. Normally I don't receive "girl power" films too well but Brave wasn't too overt about it. I wasn't expecting much when I saw it which is probably why I liked it. How can you not love a Disney princess who is a badass with a bow. And there's a bit of "proudness" due to the fact that it's set in the UK. I would love to talk about it more but to be honest I've forgotten a lot of it. I really should've watched all these movies before making this list.
12. Ratatouille
So it took me a while to watch this film because I just wasn't interested. I thought the premise was dumb and I despise mice so there was nothing appealing to me. But because I'm such a Pixar fan I can't not watch a Pixar film. So yeah I actually enjoyed it. Turns out that the premise makes for some genuinely funny moments and the animated Paris just looks amazing. It's one of those movies that's not about humans but the message is very human and that stuff just kicks ass man.
11. Cars
I honestly don't know why this film gets so much hate. When I first watched it, I loved it. Then I read reviews and spoke to people and there was a lot of hate which made me feel bad for enjoying it. But overall it's an enjoyable movie. I think when we were younger we all imagined a world when cars were alive. I think the voice acting is pretty phenomenal and McQueen's whole character arc is one that is executed in one of the best and believable way out of any Pixar film.
10. Monsters University
I think we all knew Monsters University wasn't going to be as good as Monsters Inc. When I heard it was going to be a prequel instead of a sequel, although it made perfect sense, it was a little disappointing. the whole reason why I loved Monsters Inc was because of Sully and Boo's relationship which we would have been deprived of in a prequel. However the visuals in this movie are pretty great. When Mike first walks into the University grounds the amount of colours and detail is just eye-porn. (pardon the pun). It was a bit episodic, going from one game to the next but witnessing the flourishing relationship between Mike and Sully now seems like the perfect choice to drive the plot of the movie. Also might I add that the ending wasn't actually predictable.
9. Wall-e
I AM NOT A BIG WALL-E FAN. The only reason why this film is above the ones below it is because of the bold move Pixar took with the opening 45 minutes. To not have any dialogue in a children's movie is pretty risky. But film is a visual medium as people say so it's not an entirely stupid decision. Another reason for why I think this movie is great is because of the message it gets across, about humans and the way we treat the Earth. Pretty deep...
8. Inside Out
When I first heard about Inside Out I thought it was the most innovative and bold premise I had ever heard. And who better to pull it off than Pixar. And boy did they. I'll start off by saying I was expecting something else, but I'm not sure what. So I'll let that slide and take the film for what it is. It's engaging, informative and actually quite emotional. The film is actually an analysis of mental health in youths and that's a great thing to portray to children. Chances are they've never seen anything like it before. The film has numerous laughs thanks to the ensemble cast. The dynamic between the emotions was great, so I was a bit disappointed when they split up. I'm a bit surprised it's not higher on the list but that just goes to show how great Pixar movies are.
7. Up
This was a film I rewatched recently and I actually enjoyed it more than when I first watched it. I think the montage alone at the beginning makes this film pretty amazing. A miscarriage and a death in like the first 20 mins of an animated movie. Superb! From then you're emotionally invested. I also love how bonkers the whole thing is. I mean, flying your house with balloons... come on! It makes for some amazing visuals. Seeing all those balloons pop up from Carl's house is spectacular. I also love how they had an Asian-American as one of the main characters. What was even more amazing was the fact that this was never alluded to in the film it just happened to be the case. Up has it all, laughs, action and emotion.
6. The Incredibles
I'm a sucker for a superhero movie and the Incredibles is better than most super hero movies I've seen. They're a super-hero family. I mean that's pretty great. Super-hero movies normally focus on one person which a special set of abilities but this is a whole family. just from that set up you just know its going to be something fresh on an otherwise tired format. The powers themselves are pretty basic which isn't a bad thing but it's the way that the families use their powers which is innovative. I mean at one point Dash runs on water and it turns out that Jack Jack is the real hero. Fun for all the family, coincidentally, and a mad ride from start to finish.
5. Monsters inc
I think this was the first Pixar movie I watched over and over again. Out of all the films on this list I've probably seen this one the most. Monsters Inc, I think, is just a master piece. A world of monsters where "scream" is their energy. Whoever came up with that deserves some sort of accolade. It would have been so easy to just have a movie about monsters but incorporating that human element, embodied in the character of Boo is what makes the movie so special. As I previously said Boo and Sully's relationship is ultimately what makes this movie so great. The fact that Boo is so young, can't really speak, and ultimately has no idea what's going on or the danger she's in just pulls at your heart strings. And I love the fact that the monsters are not evil, even better the fact that they're scared of humans. It makes for some funny moments and a great dynamic.
4. Toy Story
A true classic. I don't think I even need to justify why this movie is this high up on the list. I mean the movie plays on every kids fantasy and in the best way possible. I think Woody is one of the best characters to come out of Pixar, his underlying sass is great. Buzz's whole identity crisis is great to watch and the whole resolution is quite touching. I remember watching the whole scene in Sid's room and being absolutely creeped out. Also smart move on Disney's part, the merchandising was so easy, the movie was basically one big advert. But a great advert. I'm pretty sure I owned a Buzz Lightyear.
3. Finding Nemo
Aaaahhhh Finding Nemo. This opened our eyes to a world we've never seen before. We would all like to know what the world beneath the sea looks like and Finding Nemo gives us a great insight into it. A lot of research must've went into this film which I greatly appreciate. best line "He touched the butt" which I never actually got when I first watched it (yeah i was a slow child). But Marlin and Dory's scenes were just as great as Nemo's in the fish tank. A young fish with a deformed fin stepping up and being brave is what we all want to see in a movie right? Oh also the opening scene and the music that comes on when it ends... bliss.
2. Toy Story 2
Was there any doubt that this film would be in the top 2. Surely not. I find it hard to quite put my finger on what makes this film so great, but it just is. Bullseye and Jessie were great additions to the group and Woody questioning his life as Andy's toy was an engaging dilemma to see unfold. I also like the fact that the supposed "villain" for most of the movie was such a buffoon. And Stinky Pete's betrayal was actually a surprise. Once again Pixar's animations are top notch and they hit us again with another heart breaking montage. Not as heart breaking as Up but still pretty darn sad. I will never get tired of watching Andy's toys adventures but the deep analysis of Woody's character in Toy Story 2 is just amazing. Oh there we go, that's why the movie's so good.
1. Toy Story 3
I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS TOY STORY 3 IS THE BEST TOY STORY. I will happily fight anyone who says otherwise. I hate this whole mentality where people always say the original is the best purely for nostalgia reasons. In my honest opinion I think Toy Story 3 is better than it's predecessors. I mean the whole film is basically a prison break! That is great. I don't think it gets any better than that. Not to mention the best villain in all of the Toy Story films. Lotso's rage is believable and he is possibly going through something a lot of us have gone through. Again, I was genuinely surprised when he turned out to be the bad guy and from then on the film just went from strength to strength. But I remember watching this and there were three key moments that cemented this movie as the best Pixar movie and the best Toy Story movie. the first moment is when the Chatter Telephone tells Woody about how Daycare is run and how the toys can escape. The second one was when the toys all thought they were going to be incinerated and held hands. And finally the part that had us all sobbing, when Andy finally drives away at the end. Actually another moment that I should mention is at the beginning when we learn that a lot of the toys have gone and the first time we see a grown up Andy. No-one really sees Toy story as a trilogy... but it is one of the best.
So there we have it, the definitive list. Although I do want to say that ranking these movies is probably one of the hardest things. I honestly think they are all great movies but obviously we like different movies for different reason so it's hard to compare. A lot of them are probably interchangeable except for top spot. No doubt Toy Story 3 is and always will be the best.
So I thought it only made sense to create the definitive ranking of Pixar films. If you don't agree then... you're wrong.
15. A Bug's Life
To be completely honest with you this is only bottom because I've only seen it once and can't remember it that well. Some people might say I should've watched it before I made this list, but I don't have the DVD and I don't watch movies illegally... LOL.
14. Cars 2
Don't think its a surprise that this film is so low down. But let me just start by saying that I don't actually think Cars 2 is a bad film. I actually thought it was a fun movie but just didn't live up to the standards previously set by Pixar. I think it was a mistake to focus more on Mater as even though I like him as a character he does grate on you after a while. Not that Cars was that amazing and it kind of makes you think why they made a sequel... oh yeah $$$.
13. Brave
This film was a pleasant surprise. Normally I don't receive "girl power" films too well but Brave wasn't too overt about it. I wasn't expecting much when I saw it which is probably why I liked it. How can you not love a Disney princess who is a badass with a bow. And there's a bit of "proudness" due to the fact that it's set in the UK. I would love to talk about it more but to be honest I've forgotten a lot of it. I really should've watched all these movies before making this list.
12. Ratatouille
So it took me a while to watch this film because I just wasn't interested. I thought the premise was dumb and I despise mice so there was nothing appealing to me. But because I'm such a Pixar fan I can't not watch a Pixar film. So yeah I actually enjoyed it. Turns out that the premise makes for some genuinely funny moments and the animated Paris just looks amazing. It's one of those movies that's not about humans but the message is very human and that stuff just kicks ass man.
11. Cars
I honestly don't know why this film gets so much hate. When I first watched it, I loved it. Then I read reviews and spoke to people and there was a lot of hate which made me feel bad for enjoying it. But overall it's an enjoyable movie. I think when we were younger we all imagined a world when cars were alive. I think the voice acting is pretty phenomenal and McQueen's whole character arc is one that is executed in one of the best and believable way out of any Pixar film.
10. Monsters University
I think we all knew Monsters University wasn't going to be as good as Monsters Inc. When I heard it was going to be a prequel instead of a sequel, although it made perfect sense, it was a little disappointing. the whole reason why I loved Monsters Inc was because of Sully and Boo's relationship which we would have been deprived of in a prequel. However the visuals in this movie are pretty great. When Mike first walks into the University grounds the amount of colours and detail is just eye-porn. (pardon the pun). It was a bit episodic, going from one game to the next but witnessing the flourishing relationship between Mike and Sully now seems like the perfect choice to drive the plot of the movie. Also might I add that the ending wasn't actually predictable.
9. Wall-e
I AM NOT A BIG WALL-E FAN. The only reason why this film is above the ones below it is because of the bold move Pixar took with the opening 45 minutes. To not have any dialogue in a children's movie is pretty risky. But film is a visual medium as people say so it's not an entirely stupid decision. Another reason for why I think this movie is great is because of the message it gets across, about humans and the way we treat the Earth. Pretty deep...
8. Inside Out
When I first heard about Inside Out I thought it was the most innovative and bold premise I had ever heard. And who better to pull it off than Pixar. And boy did they. I'll start off by saying I was expecting something else, but I'm not sure what. So I'll let that slide and take the film for what it is. It's engaging, informative and actually quite emotional. The film is actually an analysis of mental health in youths and that's a great thing to portray to children. Chances are they've never seen anything like it before. The film has numerous laughs thanks to the ensemble cast. The dynamic between the emotions was great, so I was a bit disappointed when they split up. I'm a bit surprised it's not higher on the list but that just goes to show how great Pixar movies are.
7. Up
This was a film I rewatched recently and I actually enjoyed it more than when I first watched it. I think the montage alone at the beginning makes this film pretty amazing. A miscarriage and a death in like the first 20 mins of an animated movie. Superb! From then you're emotionally invested. I also love how bonkers the whole thing is. I mean, flying your house with balloons... come on! It makes for some amazing visuals. Seeing all those balloons pop up from Carl's house is spectacular. I also love how they had an Asian-American as one of the main characters. What was even more amazing was the fact that this was never alluded to in the film it just happened to be the case. Up has it all, laughs, action and emotion.
6. The Incredibles
I'm a sucker for a superhero movie and the Incredibles is better than most super hero movies I've seen. They're a super-hero family. I mean that's pretty great. Super-hero movies normally focus on one person which a special set of abilities but this is a whole family. just from that set up you just know its going to be something fresh on an otherwise tired format. The powers themselves are pretty basic which isn't a bad thing but it's the way that the families use their powers which is innovative. I mean at one point Dash runs on water and it turns out that Jack Jack is the real hero. Fun for all the family, coincidentally, and a mad ride from start to finish.
5. Monsters inc
I think this was the first Pixar movie I watched over and over again. Out of all the films on this list I've probably seen this one the most. Monsters Inc, I think, is just a master piece. A world of monsters where "scream" is their energy. Whoever came up with that deserves some sort of accolade. It would have been so easy to just have a movie about monsters but incorporating that human element, embodied in the character of Boo is what makes the movie so special. As I previously said Boo and Sully's relationship is ultimately what makes this movie so great. The fact that Boo is so young, can't really speak, and ultimately has no idea what's going on or the danger she's in just pulls at your heart strings. And I love the fact that the monsters are not evil, even better the fact that they're scared of humans. It makes for some funny moments and a great dynamic.
4. Toy Story
A true classic. I don't think I even need to justify why this movie is this high up on the list. I mean the movie plays on every kids fantasy and in the best way possible. I think Woody is one of the best characters to come out of Pixar, his underlying sass is great. Buzz's whole identity crisis is great to watch and the whole resolution is quite touching. I remember watching the whole scene in Sid's room and being absolutely creeped out. Also smart move on Disney's part, the merchandising was so easy, the movie was basically one big advert. But a great advert. I'm pretty sure I owned a Buzz Lightyear.
3. Finding Nemo
Aaaahhhh Finding Nemo. This opened our eyes to a world we've never seen before. We would all like to know what the world beneath the sea looks like and Finding Nemo gives us a great insight into it. A lot of research must've went into this film which I greatly appreciate. best line "He touched the butt" which I never actually got when I first watched it (yeah i was a slow child). But Marlin and Dory's scenes were just as great as Nemo's in the fish tank. A young fish with a deformed fin stepping up and being brave is what we all want to see in a movie right? Oh also the opening scene and the music that comes on when it ends... bliss.
2. Toy Story 2
Was there any doubt that this film would be in the top 2. Surely not. I find it hard to quite put my finger on what makes this film so great, but it just is. Bullseye and Jessie were great additions to the group and Woody questioning his life as Andy's toy was an engaging dilemma to see unfold. I also like the fact that the supposed "villain" for most of the movie was such a buffoon. And Stinky Pete's betrayal was actually a surprise. Once again Pixar's animations are top notch and they hit us again with another heart breaking montage. Not as heart breaking as Up but still pretty darn sad. I will never get tired of watching Andy's toys adventures but the deep analysis of Woody's character in Toy Story 2 is just amazing. Oh there we go, that's why the movie's so good.
1. Toy Story 3
I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS TOY STORY 3 IS THE BEST TOY STORY. I will happily fight anyone who says otherwise. I hate this whole mentality where people always say the original is the best purely for nostalgia reasons. In my honest opinion I think Toy Story 3 is better than it's predecessors. I mean the whole film is basically a prison break! That is great. I don't think it gets any better than that. Not to mention the best villain in all of the Toy Story films. Lotso's rage is believable and he is possibly going through something a lot of us have gone through. Again, I was genuinely surprised when he turned out to be the bad guy and from then on the film just went from strength to strength. But I remember watching this and there were three key moments that cemented this movie as the best Pixar movie and the best Toy Story movie. the first moment is when the Chatter Telephone tells Woody about how Daycare is run and how the toys can escape. The second one was when the toys all thought they were going to be incinerated and held hands. And finally the part that had us all sobbing, when Andy finally drives away at the end. Actually another moment that I should mention is at the beginning when we learn that a lot of the toys have gone and the first time we see a grown up Andy. No-one really sees Toy story as a trilogy... but it is one of the best.
So there we have it, the definitive list. Although I do want to say that ranking these movies is probably one of the hardest things. I honestly think they are all great movies but obviously we like different movies for different reason so it's hard to compare. A lot of them are probably interchangeable except for top spot. No doubt Toy Story 3 is and always will be the best.
So I've been meaning to write a post about this for a while but I thought to really portray to you how crazy this challenge was it could only be done through a video. So here it is my first ever vlog... actually that's a lie. But it's the first vlog I'm posting on here. The editing is a bit flaky seeing as I don't have the latest editing software because you know... $$$. Not to say I'm becoming a vlogger or anything but it just made sense to do it. Please give it a watch and hope you like it.
Anyway I don't normally write posts at such a ridiculous hour but I just have a lot to say, so you know what? I'm gonna go ahead and say it, because I'll tell you this for nothing I have the worst memory ever.
So this post is about a little fast food outlet called Centros. If you live in Bournemouth then you definitely know it. If you don't then you don't live in Bournemouth. You think you do, but you actually don't. I swear this place is more famous than the beach. Anywhoooooo... so I was at work having a terrible night. Slight digression, who knew people still like to club when they're 50+. Like I'm all about living life and doing what you like, but come on. You're 50 and you're wearing neon clothes and Wookies on your feet. What do you do for a living? And gosh that noise, no not music, noise. No way is that music. If it is then heck, my definition of what a song is has gone completely out the window. And please you must know half your teeth are missing please try not to open your mouth when you talk to me I feel sick enough as it is. Hang on what we talking about again? Oh yeah.
So after being thrown a life line by my manager with the best words man has ever known "Do you want to go home". Yes, Yes i bloody well do. I picked up my crap and skipped out of there like I was on my way to Narnia. Actually the good thing about the older generation is that obviously they're more willing to part with their money because lets be hionest they're going to do die soon. I'M KIDDING, don't get offended. So I got a £5 tip which was burning a hole in my pocket and I thought, "I need to spend this" because I'm pretty frikkin hungry. So the go to place after work is Subway. Which is normally reliable, except for when they only have flatbread, or completely run out of bread, like what's all that about? But today I was feeling a bit adventurous, a bit saucy so I wanted to try something different. Now I've been to centro like 7 times but only eaten from there twice. I always go in there and regret my decision. But I'm all about seeing the good in things and giving second chances or should I say 8th chances. So I walk in knowing that I'm not going to be met with anything new but I was determined to buy something. I wasn't going to walk out of there empty handed. But let me tell you, I almost did. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. The place makes no sense... I'll tell you why.
One of the deals they promote is "Free chips with any large burger or kebab". First of all, what the hell is a "large burger". Like what does that even mean? Am I missing something? Is someone playing a joke? I have never asked for a "large burger" anywhere in my life. Like you have 1/4lbs burgers and 1/2lbs burgers which they sell, but when it comes to chicken they say "Large". What is the national standard size for burgers? I have no idea. So that was that. The burger by itself costs £5. Who does this place think it is. Trying to sell burgers for £5. Well this is where their jedi mind tricks come in. You're not actually getting "free chips". Because a burger and chips meal that costs £5 is okay I guess, well outside of London. So there's you thinking "what a great deal man, I got free chips" because let's be honest we all like free stuff, which is probably why this deal sucks in so many people in. But in actual fact, you just got cheated and robbed all in the space of 2 minutes, congratulations, Props to you Centro.
Now let me rewind for a hot sec and tell you another reason for why this place sucks. So this was another time I went in there and was buying something for £6. Don't ask what and me being a human being wanted a nice cold refreshing beverage to wash it down with. So I said to the guy can I get a CAN of tango as well. Then can you believe the guy had the cheek to say... "That will be £7.20". Do the math. How much did that can cost? And to think I was actually going to pay that fool. So me being a bit confused I was like "Why is it so much?". He said well the meal is £6 and the drink is £1.20. Needless to say I took my money and ran. Who are they to be charging £1.20 when it says 59p on the can? I don't care if you're selling the wine that Jesus made, you ain't getting £1.20 for a can, are you mad? This is why I avoid this place.
Reason number... oh wait I'm not numbering these. reason number 8.5 for why Centros is the residence of the Devil. One of their advertised meals is chicken goujons with garlic pizza bread. Is that a normal combo? And all the photos in that damn place look like they've been taken with a polaroid camera back in the 1950s. I don't know if you know this about me but old photos creep me the hell out. Don't ask me why, they just do. Wait chicken goujons and garlic pizza bread. Do people actually sit at home and say to themselves "Ah i want some chicken goujons, and do you know what would go perfectly with that? Garlic pizza bread." If that isn't absurd enough the meal costs like £6. Well I say meal, that ain't a meal. If you're going to Centros with the sole intention of buying that then I think your life needs re-evaluating. I'm pretty sure you only get like 2 goujons that were probably bought from the Co-op around the corner.
The place is never short of drama, the craziest thing happened in there tonight. A girl had the cheek to ask for a free tap water and the guy said "No". I know, crazy right. He had nothing to put the water in apparently. You're telling me that in this whole building you don't have anything to put a bit of water in. Not a cup or a mug or a skillet. You're having me on. To be honest the girl was kind of annoying so I was actually glad the guy didn't give her the water. She was standing there complaining about how hot the chilli sauce was. It had just been raining, go lick a puddle. You wouldn't believe the lengths she went to, to find some sort of water holding utensil. She probably would've drunk water out of my ear. And like she was without a drink for quite a while. I was thinking surely the "hotness" is gone by now. What kind of chilli sauce are they selling here. Luckily for her a kind stranger, who tried to peek in on a Facebook convo I was having, bought her a bottle of water, which I'm sure cost him about £5.
Wait hold on... I bought the burger and "free" chips. THEY GOT ME! There's me writing this thinking I'm too smart for this but they actually got me. Well I do live next to a police station, I'll go in there and tell them how I got robbed by people disguised as fast food vendors.
To top off this whole experience I ate the burger and I liked it. So I'll probably be back there next week, buying the exact same thing.
Well actually I have a bit of time to figure that out seeing as I stalled my entry into the real world by staying on at uni. Yes that is the real reason why I decided to do a masters, sue me.
I graduated the other day and what an ordeal it was. For those of you who are at uni or going to uni in the future you still have this to look forward to. But let me take you through the whole process of this mess we call graduation.
When we're young and we see these American films and the characters are graduating its all very happy and celebratory and us Brits are like "damn I want to graduate, why don't we graduate after EVERY year of school?" Let's be honest that's what Americans do right? They even graduate kindergarten. But that's another story. But what isn't depicted is the gritty preparations that underline the whole ceremony.
Let me start by saying that for some reason my university decides to have graduation in November? Is that even normal, like who does that?
So the whole process kicks off when you find out if you've passed uni basically and not flunked out like some bum. If you do then well done you've taken your first step towards escaping education. But it all goes downhill from there. Now I can't say that I didn't know about what was to come but its a completely different story when you're experiencing it and realising how ludicrous it actually is. So you might get an email from your uni congratulating you on performing within the limits of university life and informing you on the next steps to take towards graduation. The first thing they probably want to know is if you're attending or not. This is where I slipped up. Without even thinking I said yes. Actually, my mother said yes not me, I had no choice. Anyway then comes the money. Don't worry, your ticket to your OWN graduation is free, what a relief, but obviously your parents and loved ones have to pay to watch the big occasion. Which I guess is fair enough. Then you get that email about hiring robes and mortarboards (those stupid hats). Let me tell you, you don't wear them for very long but yet you have to pay £45 basically for traditional purposes. Now I know hiring anything costs money. But come on, I've paid 9 grand a year for this moment, I've finished uni and you're still trying to squeeze money out of me. I would rather give you blood. So now you're probably in your overdraft unless you've landed on your feet and found yourself a job already then go you. But did you know there's a whole protocol for how you walk across a stage and shake a persons hand. You thought you knew everything about walking didn't you? I mean you've been doing it since you were like 2. But oh no no you do not. You need a step by step guide on how to successfully travel 30 feet across a stage and shake the hand of a person you don't even know.
At the risk of getting too into it, that's pretty much the pre-ceremony preparations. Now let's talk about the actual day. So these crafty buggers tried to make us get to the venue at 7am even though the thing started at 10. It was safe to say that wasn't going to happen. So I got there at 8:30, was I at any disadvantage turning up an hour and 30 minutes late? No. What were they thinking? In fact i could've turned up 5 mins before 10 and I would've been fine. Never get anywhere on time kids, unless I've asked you to be somewhere then boy you better be at least an hour early. So I walk in and the first sign that this was going to be the beginning of the end was when I hit the queue to collect our gowns. The confirmation email said at the top in RED letters, so you know that's serious, to "PRINT" the email. So why is this guy telling me that I could have shown him an electronic copy? Not only did I help in killing the environment I also lost out on valuable sleep as I had to rush to a printer at midnight and print off this "important" document. Thinking about it, what were they going to do? Not let me graduate? Ha... So yeah I was glad to realise that people dressed us which was great because I just about got my suit on. And the guy who was dressing me, put my hat on and said "well done perfect fit". He congratulated me on picking the right size hat? Mate I just got a degree and you're congratulating me on correctly measuring the size of my head...
Then we come to the ceremony itself. And I'll tell you this for nothing, graduation is just 2 and a half hours of non stop clapping for people you don't even know and courses you didn't even know existed. I mean gaining a degree is a great thing and should be celebrated but I have never sat through anything so drawn out and "fake". Its amazing seeing all these people smartly dressed in robes when you've seen them throwing up at 2am in the morning down the back of Chicken Cottage. There's such a disconnect between Graduation and actual university life. University isn't this structured and proper. Most of these people were probably on the lash every week and did assignments the night before they were due. So when it finally ends after standing for half an hour waiting for these people to slowly crawl out the hall, your hands are probably bleeding and you're left thinking that you'd probably rather be in bed. (or is that just me). I couldn't wait to get out of the robes that made me feel like I was on my way to Hogwarts. Which actually isn't too bad a feeling. This was also my first time wearing a full suit which wasn't bad if I'm totally honest.
So time to say goodbye to people you will probably never see or talk to again and enter the big wide world where you will probably get eaten alive and your degree will count for not very much. You realise you have well and truly been chewed up and spat back out. You can't believe the 3/4 years has gone so quick and you begin to wish you were back in simpler times when your biggest worry was whether to buy brands or ASDA smart price.
Tip: Graduation pics are "like" gold mines on Facebook and Instagram. You could be killing a puppy but as long as you're wearing the robes people are bound to like it.
Along with this I get a sense of guilt when people congratulate me on gaining a degree because to be honest I don't feel like it was that hard to get. That's not me being big headed or anything I just feel like I could've done a lot more.
I know this all seems a bit negative which is only because its a blog post and most of them are just exaggerated. It wasn't THAT bad but if I were to write about how "NOT BAD" graduation was that would make for some pretty boring reading.
I was looking forward to the part where we all chuck our hats in the air... but that didn't even happen. I feel like I've been ripped off. The only chucking I did was of that cash when I paid for a hoodie and cloakroom.
Congratulations to everyone that graduated in 2015 and good luck in your future endeavors.
Girls look good..but they're so gross.
I want to tell you a story. So as a lot of you know, but if you don't, I work in a club. And I can honestly say I love my job. Except... EXCEPT for times like these...
So it was a casual Friday or Saturday night. There I was minding my own business as the tunes were popping outside. But the serenity was cut short when my manager walks in and says, "the boys toilet is blocked can you unblock it?". Me being the obedient guy I am obliged and proceeded to kit myself up.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I thought he was going to talk about girls so why is he talking about the guys toilet". Well if you stopped jumping to conclusions you'll see where the story is heading.
ANYWHOOOO... so I made my way through sweaty armpits and awful dancing to the guys toilet followed by my backup. I peaked round the corner and slowly pryed the door open when to my horror the toilet was an unimaginable mess. Like I know its a toilet, but you do your business and leave, how did this happen? I was met with a cauldron of a brown half liquid half solid substance that was beginning to burst the banks of the bowl. If someone didn't get in there quick then it was literally doomsday. So me armed with a plunger held my breath and entered the dark depths of the stall. I plunged harder than I ever plunged before, as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it actually unblocked pretty quickly and easy. I would have happily eat my dinner out of it... LOL.
So I marched out the bathroom happy with my work when a girl comes out the girls bathroom (this is what you've been waiting for) and tells us that the toilet in there is also blocked. So I'm there thinking surely it can't be as bad as the guys one. But how wrong I was. First of all she made it seem like it was a simple job, just ONE blocked toilet. But oh no every single toilet in that damn bathroom was blocked. And it wasn't a normal blockage where the water was rising, every toilet was filled with toilet paper. LIKE WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? Surely when you throw paper into the toilet you flush it. So how have you managed to do this. It was at this point that my plunger was rendered useless. I had to get down and dirty. Lie with the dogs or cats as it were. None of my "squad" were up to the task but you know me I never back down from a challenge. So i had to put my hand in the toilet and fish out all the paper in their which might I add had all sorts on them. YES ALL SORTS. AND HAVING SAID ALL THIS THERE IS A BIN RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET WHICH I IMAGINE IS THERE TO PREVENT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
I think I successfully unblocked two but after that I was too traumatised and just had to get out of there. And it was from that moment on that I looked at girls in a completely different light. I thought it was guys that were the pigs and the disgusting ones. How can people who look so nice cause something so monstrously gross. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. I need some sort of compensation I swear. I will never forget that day.
And just to top things off, I thought that was the only time I'd have to deal with such a travesty. How wrong I was. Apparently its some girls goal to completely eff up the toilet of the club they go to. Why man? Please, I beg, let this not be a recurring thing. I've seen enough liquefied faeces and mysterious brown and red toilet paper to last me a lifetime.
Please, not just girls, everyone just flush the toilet when you're done, because there is no logical reason for why any of these monstrosities occurred or is there because if so I'd like to know!
I want to tell you a story. So as a lot of you know, but if you don't, I work in a club. And I can honestly say I love my job. Except... EXCEPT for times like these...
So it was a casual Friday or Saturday night. There I was minding my own business as the tunes were popping outside. But the serenity was cut short when my manager walks in and says, "the boys toilet is blocked can you unblock it?". Me being the obedient guy I am obliged and proceeded to kit myself up.
Now I know what you're thinking, "I thought he was going to talk about girls so why is he talking about the guys toilet". Well if you stopped jumping to conclusions you'll see where the story is heading.
ANYWHOOOO... so I made my way through sweaty armpits and awful dancing to the guys toilet followed by my backup. I peaked round the corner and slowly pryed the door open when to my horror the toilet was an unimaginable mess. Like I know its a toilet, but you do your business and leave, how did this happen? I was met with a cauldron of a brown half liquid half solid substance that was beginning to burst the banks of the bowl. If someone didn't get in there quick then it was literally doomsday. So me armed with a plunger held my breath and entered the dark depths of the stall. I plunged harder than I ever plunged before, as if my life depended on it. And to my surprise it actually unblocked pretty quickly and easy. I would have happily eat my dinner out of it... LOL.
So I marched out the bathroom happy with my work when a girl comes out the girls bathroom (this is what you've been waiting for) and tells us that the toilet in there is also blocked. So I'm there thinking surely it can't be as bad as the guys one. But how wrong I was. First of all she made it seem like it was a simple job, just ONE blocked toilet. But oh no every single toilet in that damn bathroom was blocked. And it wasn't a normal blockage where the water was rising, every toilet was filled with toilet paper. LIKE WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE? Surely when you throw paper into the toilet you flush it. So how have you managed to do this. It was at this point that my plunger was rendered useless. I had to get down and dirty. Lie with the dogs or cats as it were. None of my "squad" were up to the task but you know me I never back down from a challenge. So i had to put my hand in the toilet and fish out all the paper in their which might I add had all sorts on them. YES ALL SORTS. AND HAVING SAID ALL THIS THERE IS A BIN RIGHT NEXT TO THE TOILET WHICH I IMAGINE IS THERE TO PREVENT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
I think I successfully unblocked two but after that I was too traumatised and just had to get out of there. And it was from that moment on that I looked at girls in a completely different light. I thought it was guys that were the pigs and the disgusting ones. How can people who look so nice cause something so monstrously gross. You should ALL be ashamed of yourselves. I need some sort of compensation I swear. I will never forget that day.
And just to top things off, I thought that was the only time I'd have to deal with such a travesty. How wrong I was. Apparently its some girls goal to completely eff up the toilet of the club they go to. Why man? Please, I beg, let this not be a recurring thing. I've seen enough liquefied faeces and mysterious brown and red toilet paper to last me a lifetime.
Please, not just girls, everyone just flush the toilet when you're done, because there is no logical reason for why any of these monstrosities occurred or is there because if so I'd like to know!
I would just like to direct your attention top this poem I wrote a couple of years ago while sitting in the New Jersey wilderness. I intended to share it but never did, so hear it is in all it's glory.
Ode to the Mother
The world around us is a beautiful place
Forever changing, fascinating
But why oh, why is nature our mother
Are we the sons and daughters of her labour, her creation?
What if nature were a man?
And named him father nature
Would we be altered, changed different?
This world is changing and we are no longer the sons and daughters of nature.
Nature has become ours to grow, to nurture, to destroy
When you look at a tree
What do you see?
The beauty? The wonder? The magnificence?
No, we see the materialism the consumption, the greed.
Mother Nature has been transformed
We look after our mother especially in her old age
Well Mother Nature is millions of years, so why don’t we care for her?
Why must she crumble and fall?
All this time she’s provided us with air to breathe and food to eat
Why must we slay her?
Shame on us
But still Mother Nature fights back
With the help of the few, aid her, support her, comfort her
Those of us wise enough to understand what a great Mother Nature is
Now look at a tree.
What do you see?
The beauty, the wonder, the magnificence
The infinite wisdom Mother Nature carries
As I look around in awe of this evergreen wilderness I speak to Mother Nature herself
Dearest Mother, I am sorry about the hurt and pain you suffered.
The sorrow, the agony
But now we are here to make it right
To come correct
For we are wise clever and intelligent
We will savour the water you provide for us
We will not slay the trees that provide the substance of life
We will not expel the gases that break your soft skin
This our promise.
A promise that may spill
But a contract, an ode
An ode to you dearest Mother
Don’t give up on us just yet
For we are still your children
Children make mistakes
We do all that it takes
We are in the wrong
You gave us mouths to speak
Eyes to see
Ears to hear
Noses to smell
Fingers to touch
But what are we supposed to speak
And see
And hear
And smell
And touch
I don’t know, do you Mother?
This is our free will
You gave this to us as a gift
Something to cherish
Speak words of wisdom, words of love
Maybe a moral or message
See the wonders of this world
The magnificence it has to offer.
Hear everything around you
From the small buzzing fly to the bellow of a thunderstorm
Smell the dust that gathers on our guns, our axes, our swords
Touch the ones closest to you
Hold them tight and don’t let them fall
This is what I believe our mother intended for us
Make her proud.
Forever changing, fascinating
But why oh, why is nature our mother
Are we the sons and daughters of her labour, her creation?
What if nature were a man?
And named him father nature
Would we be altered, changed different?
This world is changing and we are no longer the sons and daughters of nature.
Nature has become ours to grow, to nurture, to destroy
When you look at a tree
What do you see?
The beauty? The wonder? The magnificence?
No, we see the materialism the consumption, the greed.
Mother Nature has been transformed
We look after our mother especially in her old age
Well Mother Nature is millions of years, so why don’t we care for her?
Why must she crumble and fall?
All this time she’s provided us with air to breathe and food to eat
Why must we slay her?
Shame on us
But still Mother Nature fights back
With the help of the few, aid her, support her, comfort her
Those of us wise enough to understand what a great Mother Nature is
Now look at a tree.
What do you see?
The beauty, the wonder, the magnificence
The infinite wisdom Mother Nature carries
As I look around in awe of this evergreen wilderness I speak to Mother Nature herself
Dearest Mother, I am sorry about the hurt and pain you suffered.
The sorrow, the agony
But now we are here to make it right
To come correct
For we are wise clever and intelligent
We will savour the water you provide for us
We will not slay the trees that provide the substance of life
We will not expel the gases that break your soft skin
This our promise.
A promise that may spill
But a contract, an ode
An ode to you dearest Mother
Don’t give up on us just yet
For we are still your children
Children make mistakes
We do all that it takes
We are in the wrong
You gave us mouths to speak
Eyes to see
Ears to hear
Noses to smell
Fingers to touch
But what are we supposed to speak
And see
And hear
And smell
And touch
I don’t know, do you Mother?
This is our free will
You gave this to us as a gift
Something to cherish
Speak words of wisdom, words of love
Maybe a moral or message
See the wonders of this world
The magnificence it has to offer.
Hear everything around you
From the small buzzing fly to the bellow of a thunderstorm
Smell the dust that gathers on our guns, our axes, our swords
Touch the ones closest to you
Hold them tight and don’t let them fall
This is what I believe our mother intended for us
Make her proud.
So we've all been in one of those situations when we're required to make new friends. Whether you've moved school, starting uni or starting a new job, making friends is vital. But how easy is the process? And let me tell you the majority of people out there don't want to be your friend they just want to ruin your life.
If you've been following this blog since the early days you'll know I had a very... hard experience with a friend which is why my outlook on the matter has changed. If you think you have a lot of friends... you most likely don't. There are only a few people out there that truly have your back and if that means I only have 2 friends then I'm cool with that. So when you're put into that new situation of having to make friends you're most likely at a point where there are a number of people in the same boat as you. And you're thinking great that means it will be much easier to make friends. WRONG. All this means is that people become friend hoes which I like to call froes. They will literally speak to every single person they meet thinking they're making friends when all they're doing is making small talk and chances are they will never see that person again. Trust me if you meet a froe, the next day they'll pass you in the hallway as if you're hiding under one of the deathly hallows.
So with me if I meet you for the first time I'm not going to lie I judge you pretty freakin' quickly. From the first few seconds I can tell if this relationship is going nowhere or if I just have no intention of getting to know you. I'm sure a lot of people get the same feeling. You know you don;'t like this person you're talking to but because "you have to make friends" and "everyones in the same boat" you feel like you have to stay there making small talk. Why? "To be nice". screw that. Don't waste your time, move on. One of my biggest pet peeves are people who feel like they have to be friends with everyone. There's being friendly then there's being a froe. Like, no. Mate I've just met you why are you putting your arm round me. These are people who get to the insult stage within 5 minutes. You know you can insult your best friends but its cool because they're your best friend so they don't really care. Froe's will insult you so fast thinking they're at that stage already. No, you just insulted me.
So you've found someone who you think you've got a connection with and want to get to know further. So when you get home you add him/her on Facebook. That's cool and well and truly acceptable, Facebook friends don't mean anything these days. Then you're there deciding whether to message them or not. And this is the point when nothing can lead to something. To be honest the sooner you message them the better because the chances are you can carry on the convo you were already having in person. If you leave it too long then its just a bit random. BUT BEWARE. Did you know that there are people out there who will simply ignore your messages and even worse start to talk to then just stop replying for no apparent reason. But that's kool you're too good for her/him anyway. Identifying a time waster means there's one less time waster out there to waste your time. HOWEVER if the convo goes well and you can tell this person genuinely wants to talk to you then you have a potential friend. I believe a friendship is able to flourish much better online because you have constant contact with that person. It also proves if someone actually wants to speak to you and not only because they're in the same room as you.
So that's new friends covered, but let's talk about old friends. So there are two types of old friends. The first are the friends that you still speak to on a regular basis and the second are the friends you don't speak to as much but you both know that you're still friends. Now in an earlier post I said I didn't understand how people can be friends but not speak regularly but I think that was just me saying that I love to talk to people. I have a couple of friends who I don't speak to regularly but I know if I ever needed them they'd be there and vice versa. Only because you're friends with someone doesn't mean you have to speak to them every day, you'll eventually run out of things to talk about. You should talk because you want to not because you feel like you have to, never force it. In fact this isn't even what I wanted to talk about.
I want to talk about deluded friends who I like to call IDIOTS. These are people who claim you're best friends but never ever start convo and when you do they'll say something like "We should meet up" or "I miss you". Seriously I should conduct some research into this. What goes through these people's heads. To be fair I have actually tested this. Not spoken to someone for ages then I finally messaged them and they said exactly those two quotes. That's when I knew I was done. Like that's not friendship. What is that? Do they do that with all their friends which means they don't speak to anyone. What I think the case is, is that at one point in this person's life you did it for them but then they just kind of got bored of you so slowly tried to oust you out the door. and seriously you should let them, in fact proudly march out that door and burn the house down. You don't need people like that in your life. Often their excuse will be "well you didn't speak to me either". But you know when you just know when someone won't message you unless you message them first. Who are they kidding man?
On a serious note, know who your friends are. If I take the time to speak to anyone regularly I'm not there to humour you it's because I genuinely want to speak to you and be your friend. I won't just drop anyone for no reason. Stay true to others and to yourself. Not many people out there are going to stick around so find the ones that will. There will be times when you both think the other doesn't care or you don't want to message them because you feel like you're annoying them. Just go for it, I've lost too many friends because of this and I'm sure you have too. You know them ones when you just "drift apart". NONSENSE. You were both just too pussy to say something to the other.
Friends are important, take care of them.
N.B If someone starts a conversation with "hi", they're SO not your friend yet.
Things we ALL hate.
1. When you waste your hard earned time holding a door open for someone and they don't even say 2 simple words.
2. When you ask someone how they are and they give you their life story. "Fine" will do. Whether you're fine or not.
3. When you're banging FIFA and bae keeps calling you then you remember you don't have a bae and its a fat guy calling about PPI
4. When you want to Netflix and chill and you ACTUALLY Netflix and chill...
5. When you purposefully wait a while to message people back because you don;t want to seem like an eager beaver.
6. When bae is a solid 8/10 at 10pm then an embarrassing 2/10 at 3am.
7. When people dress up as cats for Halloween
8. Cats in general.
9. When it says 49p on the can but Bossman tries charging you 70p.
10. When you don't hear someone so have to think of a generic response hoping its a suitable reply.
11. When you're making your mind up as to whether its worth running for the bus and by the time you decide to attempt to catch it the driver is out the window waving bye at you.
12. When someone inferior to you, and knows this fact, tries to educate you about life.
13. When websites try and dictate your life and tell you to turn off your adblock software
14. When Internet Explorer still thinks it's your default browser.
15. When that spice doesn't acknowledge how sexy you're looking.
16. When people drink milk straight from the carton.
17. When Netflix has the audacity to ask you if you're still watching... "shut up and do your job."
18. When a sideman suddenly thinks he's someone and you have to kick him back to the edge.
19. When someone doesn't notice the incredibly witty shade you're throwing at them.
20. When your ticket doesn't win the lottery.
21. When you look back on life and realise your life's almost over.
22. When people try to treat you like an adult as if you don't still live with your parents.
23. When you fill out an online form and have to scroll back bares to find your date of birth.
24. When you're too busy trying to make eye contact with someone that you don't even listen to what they're saying.
25. When you see how much CBBC and Disney Channel have gone downhill.
26. When someone doesn't realise how lucky they are to be in your presence.
27. When bae keeps calling you "friend".
28. When you clap and your lights don't turn off.
29. When you're Harvard referencing and you don't even go to Harvard.
30. When you run out of deodorant and use aftershave as an alternative and your armpits feel like they're falling off.
31. When alcohol makes you drunk.
32. When the cheeky self service machine gives you foreign currency.
b) When that same cheeky self service machine snakes you and lets everyone know that you have an unexpected item in the bagging area.
33. When the Pokemon champion acts like you haven't beaten him 5 times already.
34. When your bank statement lies about the amount of money in your bank account.
"What a morbid title. Why would I want to kill a baby?" Well a part of you must want to if you're reading this, you awful human being. ANYWAY, might not seem like it now but I actually want to talk about something that I have a massive opinion and more relevant than the normal crap I post, and that's children's TV and movies.
So when we were younger we all had a favourite TV show and film whether it was Power Rangers or Roly Poly Olie (if that's how you spell it) children's media played a big part in our lives. We didn't want to read or write we just wanted to see if Tinky Winky was going to tell his fellow teletubbies that his handbag was part of a bigger conspiracy. You know what I'm talking about it. So the subject I want to talk about is the spectrum of how much kids should be protected from sensitive subjects in children's TV. Now obviously coming from a Film and TV background I'm biased so in my opinion I believe that children's media has massive role to play in a child's development. When you're a child your brain is like a sponge and you're just picking up all these new things without even knowing it which is why most of children's TV has a very clear positive message. Which is great, if TV and film should do anything its to promote a positive attitude towards life especially in children's TV.
But does this mean that children's TV shouldn't include subjects such as death. We're now in a golden age of television where the shows that are being broadcast are becoming much more experimental with the topics portrayed and children, I believe, are becoming much more active in the way they watch TV. This gives producers an opportunity to raise their game and make something that resonates with the children. I mean yeah watching Peppa Pig play with his friends is all good but I'll probably forget that next week. Now let me make this clear when I say children's TV I'm not talking about pre-schoolers but around the age of 7+ when kids are much more aware of the world around them. Too many times children's TV and films are too scared to say the word "dead" and will use some alternative like "gone". But why? I mean death is a part of life. Some time in that child's life they will most likely have to experience a death of someone close to them. What better way to help educate them of death and its implications than through television? Now I'm not saying this means we should kill people off all over the gaff but if it's right for the story that this particular character should die then they should die. Kids learn a lot from TV and often take it for real life. If a child sees a character dealing with a death in a certain way then uses this same technique to deal with a death in real life is this not a good thing. Let's start giving kids more credit and stop molly-coddling them.
Some of the best children's movies have a death in them. Finding Nemo, Lion King, Big Hero 6, Up, which might I add also portrayed a miscarriage. Also the death in all these film were integral to the story and they wouldn't be the same without them. In my opinion the death is what makes these films. No, I'm not the Grim Reaper and death is not a fetish but death can happen to anyone at any time and I just feel like this should be accurately portrayed. This is why I love Game of Thrones so much. Films are supposed to take you on an emotional journey. Up for example is one of the most uplifting (pardon the pun) films I've ever seen and it includes a death. Death doesn't necessarily mean bad. What I love about the portrayal of death in TV and cinema is the way the characters deal with it and this is where the lessons come from and how children can be educated. None of these children's movies showed a brutal death a la Prince Oberynn (if you haven't seen that scene, don't watch it). Every death is a device spurring the protagonist to go on the journey they need to go on. Now I'm fortunate enough that I have not had to say goodbye to someone I've been close with. But if I had, especially when I was younger, I am almost certain that these films would've been a great help. You hear of people saying they listen to music when they feel down or need cheering up. Well film and TV are the same.
Moving away from death but I was pleasantly surprised to realise that in the CBBC television show The Dumping Ground they portrayed a same sex couple looking to foster a child. I don't believe this would have been a thing a decade ago. It's great that we're exposing children to what the world is really like but still keeping that positive outlook. Hopefully seeing that on television will desensitise the child and they will accept the fact that that is just what the world is. Not to mention the programmes casting of disabled actors and actresses. Not once is it overtly mentioned that these children have disabilities they are just who they are and there are people with the same disabilities in the world.
Now if you're a parent and you don't want your children exposed to sensitive subjects like that then that's totally fine as well. I just feel like that if they are to learn about a sensitive social, cultural or personal issue then TV and Film is a great way to do it. It not only serves the purpose to educate young viewers but also can build the foundations for great storytelling.
Don't get me wrong I love working behind a bar but you just get a few people that make you question humanity.
These are all real thoughts that have gone through my mind on the job.
1. Why are you only getting your money out now? You had all this time while I was making the drinks to get your money out but you're only doing it now?... and you're paying with a note anyway!
2. Stop leaning over the bar. I will get to you when I am good and ready not because you're clicking you fingers in my face.
3. GET YOUR DIRTY HANDS OUT OF MY FACE. Actually no get every part of your body out of my face.
4. You just spat on me.
5. No, I do not know what our strongest shot is.
6. I am clearly not serving, why am I going to make an exception for you.
7. What part of"the bar is closed" do you not understand? No I can not do you a "favour" and pour you a drink.
8. Yes we do serve Vodka Lemonade.
9. Why don't YOU work out how many jagerbombs £10 will get you?
10. I am not a claw machine pick out your own money from your own wallet.
11. My hand is right here so why have you thrown the money on the bar.
12. WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ME SO MUCH CHANGE! YOU KNOW FULL WELL YOU'VE GIVEN ME TOO MUCH.
13. Yes I know these drinks were cheaper yesterday, stop living in the past.
14. No it's not my fault that we've run out of straws.
15. Can you see that we've taken all the drinks down, yes we are closed.
16. You only get discount if you show me your student card... "You didn't ask for it"... why would I promote the cheaper option. If you want discount you've got to go out and get it.
17. If we had ice, I would've given you ice.
18. I know where your eyes are but you're wearing half a top.
19. Please take your hand off my neck I am as close to you as I ever will and want to be.
20. No, drinks are not free for you tonight.
Felt the need to write something, so here we are.
Let's bring it back a bit. My last post was a bit crazy so this ones going to be a bit more... boring. Well not boring, but you know what I mean. Hopefully it does something for you. So as you know the world is plagued with expectations and stereotypes. And I've come to learn that I break a lot of peoples expectations of me as I'm sure you do too. If this is the case can we really expect anything from anyone anymore. So being at uni you're expected to drink and "go out" and do all that fun stuff. So obviously people expect this of me. And it's not their fault that;'s just the perception people have of university students and is now part of the reason why people want to go to university. Heck I expect the same thing of everyone I meet. Now if I had greasy hair wore clunky shoes and slacks everywhere maybe people wouldn't be so surprised when I tell them I'm not about that life. Now for those of you that know me I'm a normal looking guy right... well mostly normal. who am I to disrupt the status quo I'm just an "ordinary" 21 year old. But am I? I don't drink, I don't even swear. Who the hell am I man? Why have I not grown accustomed to the typical adolescent way of life. I'd much rather stay at home and watch Netflix or play Mario Kart. Does that make me boring? Because apparently it does. Like when you think of someone that stays at home at plays video games a certain image comes up in your mind right and I doubt that's me. That's me the undercover Geek. I'm in my fourth year at Uni now and I still haven't got drunk. Don't write me off as a bore just because I'm not into the things you are and refraining from living a life I don't want to live. People don't party 24/7... well some might. It just means there's a lot more to me than you know. Let's be honest people who operate outside those social norms are the most interesting right? Okay, so I'm probably biased.
Now I'm not saying that everyone makes these assumptions. A lot of people I'm friends with do like going out and drinking but just accept the fact that I am the way I am. You know how your parents say you should never change for anyone, it's true and it's become more apparent to me by being at uni. You do you and I'll do me, who are we to judge others for the way they want to live their lives? I will happily go out with a group of people who plan on drinking just as long as they respect the fact that I don't want to. Is all this making sense? I hope so...
I won't lie though there have been times when I wish I did drink purely because of the social aspect. I've missed out on a bunch of socials and events due to the fact that I didn't want to be under pressure to drink and being the only sober person. Also I do quite want to know what it's like to be drunk and I'd like to see what kind of drunk I am. Who knows that day might come... but I can't see it happening any time soon.
Being part of a time where alcohol is a big part of people's lives is hard one to live in but just dealing with those struggles I guess makes me a stronger person, as corny as it sounds. People just shouldn't write off people who abstain from alcohol because these people are the strongest people of all.
Drink responsibly...
