I put this on my snapchat last night and this is what I learned... The friend business can be a complicated one... because that's what it is a business. You invest in something and it either turns out to be a success or a bit of a flop. Now not to dehumanise anyone but when it comes down to it if we feel as though the rewards don't match the investment then its time to cut your losses and get out. Now I know there's much more to friendships than this. We're dealing with real people with emotions and feelings and life can throw a lot of complications at you. But something I often think about is how someone becomes your friend. What needs to happen for you to consider someone a friend. And the criteria is different for everyone. On one hand you have people who consider people they've spoken to and don't hate as a friend and on the other people who feel like you need to donate your liver to be an amigo. Now believe it or not I lie somewhere in between this but I'll come to that later. Back to the snapchat. What I was really getting at was how many people in your life time, so from the day you were born until now, have you considered your best friend. Because best friends change, I know that better than anyone. There are times when you think this is it, me and this person are going to be friends for life and then you find yourself complete strangers a year later. However the answers I got were how many "best friends" people had at this moment in time. So there were a lot of 2s, 3s... a 9 and even a 20 which again shows the difference in interpretation of the term best friend. If I had to answer, I'd probably say 3. And when asked why these people are considered "best friends" the answers were all similar. You know people you trust, people you go to if you have a problem which all makes sense but as I said before these people seem to change especially earlier in your life. I think when you reach your 20s you start to get a better idea of the people that are there to stay. And not to illegitimate anyone's friends but a lot of people you call your "best friend" may not be there for the long run. Which is actually hard to take. There are so many people I have been good friends with who I still wish I was friends with. My main issue with people comes from reciprocity. I'm putting a lot into this friendship so I expect the same but some people just aren't willing. If I start any sort of friendship with anyone, it's never temporary I am always willing to put everything I can into it. If it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't but how you going to know if you at least don't try? Anyway where am I going with this.. yeah so when you come tho think of it. If there are 3 people on this entire earth than you feel like you can trust and are your best friend that is not a lot of people at all. So what happens when you lose one? Which is why I cherish any friendship I have or have ever had. Now I'm not perfect either I know there may have been times where I haven't done my best at keeping in touch or maintaining a friendship but I am well aware of this. Friends are what keep us sane and keep us going and it's important to not take them for granted. Now back to what makes me consider someone a friend. i think the main thing is just making an effort and having genuinely interesting conversations about literally anything. If you care about my life and I find myself genuinely caring about yours then you're a friend. To get into best friend territory, I don't know it's hard to say. I don't quite know what makes these people my best friends but I know who they are... which I guess is kind of nice in a way. The fact that I just know. I can also measure it by the people who I will tell first when I get a girlfriend. I know shock right, I'm single. I am always up for meeting new people and making new friends. Mainly because I want people to physically hang out with but also cos I love the art of conversation. If it was socially acceptable to message random people to start a friendship I honestly probably would. Actually now that I've said all this... maybe I'm just lonely.
Before we start, let me just say I've had quite the day which involved me walking the streets with no shoes. Forgive me if this post is a bit unfocused, it was quite the ordeal. Anyway, back to business. I recently read an article about a young woman who was subject to this ridiculous, sexist and dehumanising joke called "pulling a pig". Basically the nature of such a joke is a bunch of lads will have a competition to see who can "pull" the most unattractive girl. And that's pretty much it. I mean there are a lot of things wrong and unethical about this but when you dig a little deeper you find that it's more than just the obvious. So the story is a 24 year old girl met a dutch guy while holidaying in Barcelona. They have a nice little holiday romance but continue to speak even when they are back in their respective countries. The need to see each other grows too strong and the young girl flies to Amsterdam to meet her new beau only to find that he doesn't show and the only contact is a snapchat message that reads "sorry you've been pigged, it was all a joke". I honestly don't get how this absolute wasteman could bring himself to press the send button on that message. Of course this is upsetting for the recipient to read but what does it say about the sender. To have no regard for the feelings of the person you're sending it to and to compose the message in the first place is slightly worrying and no doubt numerous other boys would have no problem acting in a similar way. Oh wait let me just clarify that our lovely dutch friend has denied keeping in contact and denied sending that message even though there is a pretty clear screenshot. Which leads me on to another point. Part of "lad" culture, which this game is certainly a part of, is proving you're an alpha male. Bet you had a good old laugh with your friends while the prank was happening but now you've been caught you don't want to be the big man and take ownership. Do me a favour, you're so small, so insignificant. You wasted all your time pulling this cruel joke and what do you have to show for it? What was the actual point? Why not put all that time and energy into a girl you actually like. The best thing you can do with your life is to make someone else's that little bit easier. There are so many ways you can lift someone up, but you choose to bring them down instead. This shows you have the potential to be a decent human being. She definitely liked you for one reason or another, just be that genuine person for someone who needs and deserves it. This is why female body image, actually just body image, is a huge issue in the first place. I thin we all feel a little bit insecure in our bodies as it is and we don't need the fear of thinking that we'd be victim to this sick joke. No one needs that. Especially when we are put in the environment when we think we are looking our best. This game, I assume, happens at a bar or club and this is when we all doll ourselves up and want to be looking our damn finest. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If this has happened to you, then I can only apologise that you had to go through all that. Because it's more than just a game. It's a destruction of confidence and days of negative self image. But I guess these are what games can do to you... I've played FIFA. There's more I want to say on this subject but there's so much going through my mind I'm finding it a bit hard to streamline it all. It does make me think about my own interactions with, not just females, but people in general. My biggest fear is offending people and when I feel like I have I honestly just don't know how to cope. I was a boy and fell victim to what was considered "normal" boy talk. Or I just thought I was being cool. But it's neither of those things, my morals and beliefs don't fall in line with the kind of trash I was spouting and this is something to remember with all of us. Whether you're speaking publicly or privately, keep your talk respectful of the other human beings that inhabit this godforsaken rock. Everyone says it, but it's true, we are all beautiful. The opinions of a few sad, boring neanderthals is nothing compared to everything that you are. Watch the interview below about the story:
Celebrities in a car doesn't always lead to karaoke Conan O'Brien recently aired an interview (well kind of) with movie mega star Tom Cruise. However it is an interview like no other. Conan hilariously takes the ever tired formula of celebs in a car and subverts it into what becomes a non-interview with the Top Gun star. Late Night talk shows are not as much of a thing in the UK as they are in the US. I mean all we have is Johnathan and Graham and I don't particularly like either of them. So I get my general fix from the Americans on YouTube and Conan O'Brien is undoubtebly my favourite and this skit just proves why. The segment is very self aware in the popular formats they are satirising, namely Carpool Karaoke and Comedians in Cars. Much to be expected from a former The Simpsons writer. So take that and one of the biggest stars on the planet and you have a hit on your hands. Conan has been eager to get Tom Cruise on his show so it was a ballsy move to get him and literally just drive him round for reportedly 4 hours with the highlight being Conan offering Cruise a bucket to pee in. Conan's comedic timing, Cruises clout and the busy streets of London make this a hilarious joy ride. Not to mention it gives you a very rare sight of Cruise not performing his own stunt. This just exemplifies why Conan is often regarded as one of the best Late Night talk show hosts in the US. He may not have as many internet hits as Corden, Kimmel or Fallon but when he hits, he hits hard. His numerous remotes, most notably his exploits with Ice Cube and Kevin Hart have been some of the most talked about videos on the internet with good reason. No one can match his comedic prowess and I urge you all to check out his "bits". Clueless Gamer and his adventures around the office are my personal favourites.
And when I say "back to sobriety" I don't mean I've been off on a 3 month bender. Hi demons, it's me, ya boi. Did you realise I was gone? No? Yes? Oooohhh who knows but yes I am back live on your computer screen or laptop screen, or phone screen... whichever technological medium you decide to use. Surprise surprise I was gone for the summer again and I don't think I need to delve into how the summer was because I'm pretty sure you all can guess, although I will say that this was perhaps the most emotionally draining summer I've ever had. If you wanna know more then feel free to ask. I think I'm gonna focus more on what it's like to be back and what life has to offer me. I swear September always seems like the beginning of a new era. I guess the school year got us into that mindset. But my Septembers are either spent looking forward, looking back or not knowing what the hell I am doing and I think September 2017 falls into the latter category. What the hell AM I doing? I will tell you. Not much to be honest with you. That's what happens when you go to work in America against your professional judgement. But if there's one thing I believe in, it's that you should do what you love as much as you can and for as long as you can. If you're doing something you don't enjoy then honestly what is the point? You can't put a price on your own happiness, or someone else's. Never will I find myself in a position dreading to go to work every day or seeing my time spent doing the same monotonous tasks. What kind of life is that? So yeah I'm here. Back in London, back at home with the fam and things are just a bit meh at the moment. I said when I got back I would take some time just to chill, but chilling day after day and seeing other people getting jobs, getting married and having babies can get real depressing real quick. I'm all for taking it easy but I still want to have some use in the world. And that has led me here, writing this blog post... trying to find my purpose. Because this is it at the moment. The only thing I can find some sort of worth in. Why don't you get a job you say. Believe me I'm trying because that's what society, and my parents, say I should do, Now I'm not an idiot, I understand money is important to have and I will eventually get a job but I'm liking not being told what to do by "the man". Being away for so long, fending for myself, seeing another country has just opened my eyes to what I should really be doing with myself. Do I even want to be here anymore, do I even want to go down the path I chose for myself when I was 16? I just don't know and I am having some trouble figuring it out. Because life is monotonous and repetitive, we work basically to live and survive. That's the main purpose. Yeah sure a lot of you love your jobs but it doesn't change the fact that the pay cheque you receive every month is of the upmost importance. So I'm at a bit of a crossroads at the moment. I think this post is the perfect manifestation of where my head is at at the moment. One complete mess. Well be sure that I'm going to keep you guys updated on everything to come what kind of world would it be if I didn't update everyone on what colour underwear I decide to wear tomorrow... probably black though.
This is a particularly interesting thing for me to write about because firstly I am not a woman and secondly I have become enlightened in regards to the subject. You're perhaps thinking to yourself that this is a particularly weird thing for me to write about. I mean it might be, but it sparked from a conversation I overheard from some students who spoke about body hair on females. One of the boys simply stated that men should have hair and women shouldn't. To a lot of people this may be seen as an unacceptable thing to believe let alone say but in reality we can't really blame a 16 year old for believing this... can we? I mean when I was that age I'm pretty sure I believed the same thing. We are constantly shown what a "normal" female body looks like and what a "normal" male body looks like. Ultimately a female body will have shaved legs, shaved face and shaved armpits. And at such a young age we don't really question it, that's just the way it is. When in fact what this does is create an ideology of perfect body image and when we are presented with something that doesn't conform to this we reject it. And as I said I did believe females should have shaved bodies until I had an experience in 2013 when all of a sudden I was surrounded by females who not only had armpit hair but celebrated it. It was a totally new concept to me and because I was already in an environment where I had to be open minded and accommodating I just simply accepted it and haven't looked back since (if you know you know). One of my favourite people on this planet has armpit hair (love you Efro) and it has just made me question why it is that women are supposed to have shaved bodies. Let's also put things into perspective here. Growing hair is a completely natural thing so where did this idea of women having body hair being disgusted come from? More than 99% of women in America shave their body hair allegedly. Whether this is down to personal preference or believing that women just simply shouldn't have body hair is impossible to discern. But having said this can it be argued that this ideology of the hairless woman has informed a females preference on whether she would like body hair? If we weren't brought up on the notion that women should be shaved would more women have body hair? We can't really say but I believe more females would. There would be a vast majority of females who simply couldn't be bothered to do it and would not have to care what others think and there will be a section of females who actually like and embrace their body hair. Coming back to the conversation I overheard it was particularly significant that it was the male who believed that women should not have body hair. Because of this in an effort to look desirable to the opposite sex females will shave. It will be argued that the majority of males would prefer a hairless female but does this preference only stem from the societal viewpoint that hair on females is unattractive. I mean some women love hairy men, are there some men who like hairy women? Having said this though if a female does choose to have body hair should they condemn another female or male who finds it unattractive? This is the society we're living in and this is what people believe it would be wrong to berate them for this. However it would also be unfair for those same people to demand that a female shaves her body. Who the hell cares? Why is it a problem? If you want hair have hair, your body is giving you hair don't feel ashamed. It is also important to foster this mindset in young females who will go through a period where they will start to grow hair in places they haven't before. It would be a shame if they immediately thought that it was disgusting and ultimately became ashamed of their bodies. It's vital for them to know that it is completely natural and it is totally up to them whether they want to shave it or not but let's not be naive to the external realities. They must also be aware that in some environments and to some people it is unacceptable for a woman to have body hair. I recently saw an interview with two women, one who had grown out her armpit hair and another was totally against the idea. Both are human beings and both opinions should really be tolerated because really... who the hell is right? I don't bloody know and in fact it doesn't even matter. All that matters is feeling comfortable with your body whether it has hair or not. There was a question of professionalism brought into a debate and whether it would be acceptable to attend a job interview with armpit hair. I mean of course you can easily hide it but its a matter of what is seen as acceptable for men and females in the work place. If a job required a female to wear a uniform which showed her armpits or legs is it acceptable for management to tell them to shave? Of course this will have no affect on the person's ability to do the job but in terms of impressions on customers I think it is perhaps acceptable. As I said before there is a social stigma on female body hair and company branding is a real thing. Anyway I digress... Our bodies are perhaps the thing that is most personal to us. Although we'd all like a world where the way we look isn't governed by societal norms, unfortunately it is but it also gives us the opportunity to challenge them. Not to mention that not having to worry about shaving every few days is particularly liberating. In conclusion, I'm neither pro-hair nor anti hair. I am just a believer that hair is just natural and whether you want it or not is completely up to you. The societal connotations do exist and its important to be aware of those but ultimately why the hell do any of us give a damn?
So there are now 71 gender options to choose from on Facebook including "2 spirit person" This is something that has come to my attention fairly recently. It all started when I found myself agreeing with something Piers Morgan was saying. I know what you're thinking "Piers Morgan, are you sure?" unfortunately yes, yes I am. To be fair to the guy even though he's a bit of stuck up knob he does actually speak a lot of sense (some of the time). And one of the few times he did was on the subject of gender neutrality. It all kicked off from the MTV movie awards when Emma Watson became the first winner of the gender neutral "Best Actor" award. Piers argued that it was unnecessary and ultimately meant that women would win less because in fact the majority of major roles go to males. I'm sorry but even before Piers said this, it was my fault exactly. I don't think creating one category was ultimately necessary. From my understanding there weren't many people calling for it and I honestly don't see any benefit from having one category for males and females. Of course I understand the logic behind it, "males and females should be on the same playing field" and "equality" and all that mullarkey. Even though this is a notion I support it isn't applicable to every situation. There is no getting away from the fact that males and females are different, yes we are all humans and segregation often has its negative connotations but sometimes I believe it's necessary. Having two categories not only makes it so more actors and actresses can be nominated but it also means there are 2 winners. No one is saying that males are better than females or vice versa but in the history of ceremonies this is how it's always been and winning an award for best actor or best actress are on the same level anyway. So there's your equality. I mean how far do you want to take this? Another point Piers correctly mentioned is that if we were to do this for sports, females would almost always lose because it is a fact that men are both faster and stronger than females. But a reason for why this particular news has become more significant is because of people who are "non-binary" and don't see themselves belonging to either gender. Now I like to see myself as an understanding and inclusive person but I do fail to quite get my head around this concept. It's becoming a bit ridiculous, I mean 71 gender options on Facebook, come on now. Where does it end? Are we able to identify ourselves as anything? I in no way want to diminish people who feel this way, because as I said I don't quite understand it, but having 2 genders is all most of us as humans know and to not feel like you belong to either one is just worrying. A big argument for non-binary people is that they feel they don't fit into the gender roles of neither male or female and yes it's easy to say that sex and gender are two different things but you can't have gender without sex. We are living in a much more tolerable world and just because you are a male or female doesn't mean you can't be a feminine male or a masculine female. When I say someone is a male or someone is a female I am not associating all these gender roles with you I am just going on the assumption that you either have a penis or vagina. So now there's a call to use language that is much more inclusive. In some respects I get it. Such as instead of fireman, you say firefighter. And that is fair enough but it's a whole different story when you have to refer to people as "they". I recently watched a debate about this subject and an argument being made by the non-binary person was that it's just about showing respect for that person by referring to them in the way they want to. Again, I totally get it and there are some languages, such as german, that do make allowances for gender. But she became particularly offended when someone else said that she would refuse to refer to her in that way. Now I totally understand both sides of the argument. The woman against it says it's an ideology that she doesn't subscribe to. And in many ways if males are people with penises and females are people with vaginas then she's not wrong it is an ideology. While watching it I felt the woman who would refuse to refer to her as "they" was actually kind of within her rights. Think of it in terms of religion. Just because I believe in God I can't expect an atheist to start believing in the same things as me and all of a sudden start going to church. Everyone nowadays wants to be politically correct and feel as though everyone should be who they want to be and live as they choose when in fact if that was the case there'd be complete anarchy. Sometimes we do need strict definitions and boundaries. If you go to jail do you go to a male or female prison? Do you use male or female bathrooms? A point which supports this theory that non-binary is an ideology is again a point mentioned by Piers Morgan. He told of a school where one girl said she was non-binary and by the end of the week 8 girls in the same year all said they were the same. He then went on to label it as a fad which of course probably offended some people but I think that in this case it is probably safe to assume that it was. Is it really a good idea to bring up our children teaching them that there are 71 different gender options and that they are able to choose? Do we teach them that they have to be careful how they address people? Can we really be walking on eggshells scared of offending people by referring to them as the wrong pro noun? "They" is often used as plural and this is simply the way our brains are wired, and yes language does change and progress, but for us now to change the way we speak is going to be no easy feat. One thing that I didn't understand was the inclusion of transgendered people in the argument for gender-neutral language. It was always my understanding that transgendered people transitioned from one gender to another they don't feel as though they belong to neither they subscribe to either or. I mean some transgendered may be non-binary but I feel as though that's a bit contradictory. Also do any of us fully subscribe to our gender roles. Are gender roles even as significant as they were back in the day? Do girls still like pink and boys, blue? All I was hearing from the non-binary people I have listened to was that they still believe these stereotypes exist and don't want to be associated with either one. Yes they do exist but let's not try and make it out like it's more than it actually is. Besides only because you don't conform to either gender, people are still going to see you as male or female. If you feel as though you're neither then that's fine but just accept that it is a narrative that not everyone can support. An argument made in support of non-binary people was that "why should it affect us how someone else identifies?" Which is kind of an outrageous statement when these same people are calling for us to change our language. But as I said, if you want to identify as a male, female, non-binary, 2 spirit person, polygender, that is fine but the reality is that the majority of us will still see you as either male or female. Also all this talk about gender being a social construct is a bogus. Males peeing at least 2 urinals from another male is a social construct, gender is based on sex which is just scientific facts. Also let's not blow this out of proportion it is only a small minority of people who identify as something other than male or female. I haven't in my 22 years of life met someone who was gender fluid. So is there really need for a change when this is the case? Plus I feel as though there are much more pressing issues to be concerned rather than worrying about whether you identify as genderqueer or pangender. Just be you, as long as you love yourself and those around you, you can be an iguana for all I care. But as always what do I know? This is wholly my opinion and something that I've thought about a lot recently. I would love to know what you guys think so let me know, I've enjoyed hearing both sides of the debate.
I am a writer and producer from East London and also have an interest in photography. I have produced a selection of video projects ranging from short films to web series. This blog is just a space for me to share my creative work and spill my deepest darkest secrets.
